He's Always Been Faithful- By Sara Groves

Great is thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me

Morning by morning I wake up to find
The power and comfort of God’s hand in mine
Season by season I watch Him, amazed
In awe of the mystery of His perfect ways

All I have need of, His hand will provide
He’s always been faithful to me

I can’t remember a trial or a pain
He did not recycle to bring me gain
I can’t remember one single regret
In serving God only, and trusting His hand

All I have need of, His hand will provide
He’s always been faithful to me

This is my anthem, this is my song
The theme of the stories I’ve heard for so long
God has been faithful, He will be again
His loving compassion, it knows no end

All I have need of, His hand will provide
He’s always been faithful, He’s always been faithful
He’s always been faithful to me

"He's Always Been Faithful" by Sara Groves

"Getting into You" by Relient K

when i made up my mind
and my heart along with that
to live not for myself
but yet for God
somebody said
"do you know what you are getting yourself into?"

when i finally ironed out
all of my priorities
and asked God to remove the doubt
that makes me unsure of these
things i ask myself
i ask myself
"do you know what you are getting yourself into?"

i'm getting into you
because you got to me
in a way words can't describe
i'm getting into you
because i've got to be
you're essential to survive
i'm going to love you with my life

when he looked at me and said
"i kind of view you as a son"
and for a second our eyes met
and i met that with a question
"do you know what you are getting yourself into?"

i'm getting into you
because you got to me
in a way words can't describe
i'm getting into you
because i've got to be
you're essential to survive
i'm going to love you with my life

i've been a liar and i'll never amount to
the kind of person you deserve to worship you
you say you will not dwell on what i did
but rather what i do
you say"i love you and that's what you are getting yourself into"

i'm getting into you (getting into you)
because you got to me (because you got to me)
in a way words can't describe
i'm getting into you (getting into you)
because i've got to be (because i've got to be)
you're essential to survive
i'm going to love you with my life
i'm getting into you (getting into you)
because you got to me (because you got to me)
in a way words can't describe
i'm getting into you (getting into you)
because i've got to be (because i've got to be)
you're essential to survive
i'm going to love you with my life

you said "i love you and that's what you're getting into"

"More" by Matthew West

Take a look at the mountains
Stretching a mile high
Take a look at the ocean
Far as your eye can see
And think of Me

Take a look at the desert
Do you feel like a grain of sand?
I am with you wherever
Where you go is where I am
And I'm always thinking of you

Take a look around you
I'm spelling it out one by one

I love you more than the sun
And the stars that I taught how to shine
You are mine, and you shine for me too
I love you yesterday and today
And tomorrow, I'll say it again and again
I love you more

Just a face in the city
Just a tear on a crowded street
But you are one in a million
And you belong to Me

And I want you to know
That I'm not letting go
Even when you come undone

I love you more than the sun
And the stars that I taught how to shine
You are mine, and you shine for me too
I love you yesterday and today
And tomorrow, I'll say it again and again
I love you more

I love you more
Shine for Me
Shine for Me
Shine on, shine on
Shine for Me

I love you more than the sun
And the stars that I taught how to shine
You are mine, and you shine for me too
I love you yesterday and today
And tomorrow, I'll say it again and again
I love you more

And I see you
And I made you
And I love you more than you can imagine
More than you can fathom
I love you more than the sun
And you shine for me

Lots to be thankful for

Thanksgiving is always a stressful time for my family-- I don't know why, exactly. It usually begins when my parents start trying to divy up time and try to agree on what is "fair" in regards to how much time my sister and I spend where. The stress continues as we prepare to go visit my mom's family for a half day or so. This year was especially stressful because it would be the first without my grandmother, and the family had been through some rocky times when my grandmother's health was failing. Amd then of course, there's the stress of switching houses, whichever I go to first. And so on...

This year, we celebrated Thanksgiving with my mom's family at one of my aunt's houses. Everyone was supposed to bring something-- we brought pumpkin cheesecake and broccoli salad. I think I was laughing the entire time I was there. One of my uncles had said he was going to come and grab a takeout box, and leave (in reality, he didn't...). And then there's my cousin who announced so sweetily at the table that he is homophobic (you could hear the crickets churping after he said that). And another of my uncles talked for thirty minutes about kidney stones, what you can/can't eat, what the actual medical explanation is, etc. And there were a few moments when everyone at the table was listing what they thought I should grow up to be: peace corps volunteer, journalist, politician, preacher, etc etc etc. Ah, yes, I love my extended family. I am reminded of how strangely normal we are.

I'm in my dorm tonight, Saturday. It's quiet on campus. The dining services are completely closed. The elevator has remained where I left it, when I used it to bring me and my load from home up, all night. There is one other person on my hall, and maybe a handful in the entire building. I like it. Tonight, I am thankful for:
-the quiet, peaceful atmosphere and time to regroup
-kidney stones because I am reminded that it could be so much worse
-an AC system that tries to work, but fails, because it means that when I get it fixed I will be warm for the winter
-all the work I have to do and the exams I have coming up, because it means I can afford to go to school
and so on...

Never a dull moment...

This weekend was certainly an interesting one. On Friday night, I went to dinner at the Caf with Miriam and Amanda, and then we decided to take my car to the mall. But first, we picked up Laura Jo. So the four of us spent two hours or so at the mall, just walking through stores and hanging out.

After we got back to campus, we drove Miriam back to her dorm and dropped her off. Then, Amanda, Laura Jo and I went to Laura Jo's apartment to hang out and play Nintendo. Around midnight, we started watching Friends episodes, and that was when this incredible pain started. I tried to sit still, but I couldn't sit comfortably. My lower abdomen and lower back were in the most pain I have ever experienced. By 12:45, I finally told Laura Jo and Amanda how much pain I was in, and I started kneeling on the floor, in an attempt to get comfortable. Laura Jo gave me Advil, but it didn't help. I was in tears by the time one of Laura Jo's roommates came in, who immediately said this looked like the pain she has from her ovarian cysts. So she gave me half of a hydrocodon, which Laura Jo okay-ed...(she was a pharmacy technician). By 1:30, the hydrocodon hadn't kicked in and I was still in really bad pain, so Laura Jo and Amanda asked me what I wanted to do. They agreed to go get my car and drive me back to my dorm, so I could try to sleep.

On their way back to LJ's apartment to pick me up, LJ called me and said they had changed their minds. "We're taking you to the hospital." I didn't fight it, as I had all night. We got to the Emergency Room a little after 2am. I got checked in, gave a pee sample, and answered a ton more questions. Soon, the nurse came in to draw blood and hook me up to an IV, which I was just a tad anxious about. The IV immediately started pumping Demerol into my body-- that's a med they usually give to cancer patients for pain. The Demerol gave me a really, really bad headache at first, but then it made me dizzy and I started falling in and out of sleep. They were also pumping anti-nausea drugs into me to keep me from throwing up. They did a CAT scan, and about two hours later, they told me I had two kidney stones, one on either side. They prescribed medicine (Oxycodone) and sent me home, with a souvenir pair of socks. I can't have anything with caffeine until I pass the stones, which, as I write this on Sunday evening at 10:50pm, I have yet to do. I'm supposed to, and have been, drinking lots of liquids in order to speed the process along, but thus far, I'm still in pain. The pain, though, is a lot less than it was Friday night, but sitting is still painful (which is all you do, pretty much, in college).

So, that was my weekend. I spent Saturday helping prepare and serve a Thanksgiving meal to kids in a local low-income neighborhood, with my small group. Then Kelsey and I went to Seussical and sat in the Interpretor Section, and got to watch the show being signed. Then I got sleep! Then I went to LumberJack Ball, which is an annual InterVarsity event. By midnight, though, the drugs had knocked me out and I was fast asleep in front of a HUGE bonfire. This was not before I participated in cricket-spitting, SPEW (the alkaseltzer game), and Chubby Bunny, which I WON! My friends are awesome, all of them. They've been taking very good care of me and praying for me and doing whatever they can to help!

And Laura Jo is riding to Chapel Hill with me on Tuesday evening!!! YAY! But she might be driving my car, because if I'm still taking these pain killers, I can't drive. That's all.

Never Let Go

Can you lay your life down
so a stranger can live
Can you take what you need
but take less than you give

Could ya close every day
without the glory and fame
Could you hold your head high
when no one knows your name

That's how legends are made
at least thats what they say
We say goodbye
but never let go
We live, We die
'cause you can't save every soul
You gotta take every chance to
show that you're the kinda man who
will never look back
will never look down
and never let go

Can you lose everything
you ever had planned
Can you sit down again
and play another hand

Could you risk everything
for the chance of being alone
Under pressure find the grace
Would you come undone

That's how legends are made
at least that's what they say
We say goodbye
but never let go
We live, We die
'cause you can't save every soul
You gotta take every chance to
show that you're the kinda man who
will never look back
will never look down
and never let go

never let go
You gotta take every chance to
show that you're the kinda man who
will never look back
will never look down
and never let go

We say goodbye but never let go
We live, We die
'cause you can't save every soul
You gotta take every chance to
show that you're the kinda man who
will never look back
will never look down
and never let go
Never look back
Never look down,
and never let go.

-Bryan Adams, Eliot Kennedy and Trevor Rabin (at the end of the movie, The Guardian)

That's what it's all about...

Top: (Eric, dressed as his roommate Kirk, and me)
Middle: (Kelsey, a latin dancer, and me)
Bottom: (Laura Jo, as...I don't know...and me)

And Your arms are open wide,
But I drop my gaze.
You offer me forgiveness,
And I turn away.

I know I am unworthy,
And I know You paid the price
But the truth is, I just haven't learned
How to accept Your humble sacrifice

So once again, I avert my eyes
Steer clear of acknowledging Your grace.
It isn't that I don't believe,
It's just so hard, these days.

It's a daily battle, a forever struggle
To bow before You
To allow Your grace and love
To cleanse me anew.

I believe Your grace is sufficient
And can cover every little thing,
But sometimes I feel like
I just can't forgive me.

So, what I wonder, Lord
Is how I learn to let it go
To let myself by cleansed
And Your love to fully know.