Monday, March 31, 2008

All the Heavens

As Your children gather in peace
All the angels sing in Heaven
In Your temple all that I seek
Is to glimpse Your holy presence

All the heavens could not hold You, Lord
How much less to dwell in me?
I can only make my one desire
Holding on to Thee

All the angels exalt You on high
What a kingdom to depart!
But You left Your throne in the sky
Just to live inside my heart

All the heavens could not hold You, Lord
How much less to dwell in me?
I can only make my one desire
Holding on to Thee

I will always make my one desire
Holding on to Thee

"All the Heavens" by Third Day

Sunday, March 30, 2008

Sweet Poison of the False Infinite

"In either case-- whether we try to secure means for repeating the pleasure at will or turn from what is given to something else which is desired-- Lewis thinks that we will eventually lose the capacity for delighting in what is received. For to treat a created thing as something more than that is to destroy its true character. To seek in any created thing a complete fulfillment of the longing which moves us to make of it an object of infinite desire and, because it is only a created thing, a false infinite. It may still be sweet, at least for a time, because it is intended by its Giver to be a source of delight. But in the end it will be poison for the person who gives his heart to it. Hence the constant temptation: the lure of the sweet poison of the false infinite. [There is a] contrast between living by faith and seeking a rigid kind of security. This sort of trust involves a willingness to receive what is given (even if it was not originally desired) as well as a willingness to let it go again without grasping after repitition of the pleasure."
-The Taste for the Other: The Social and Ethical Thought of C.S. Lewis, by Gilbert Meilaender

Monday, March 24, 2008

It's March, People...

Today, I was driving in my car and the sky was really, really, really, really dark grey. The word ominous came to mind. I was so sure that the bottom of the sky would fall out with torrential rains, and lots of thunder and lightning-- my favorite kind of storm-- but you know what? It didn't. It snowed instead.

I just thought that was funny.

Saturday, March 22, 2008

Weirdness unveiled...

I've been tagged. (I kinda think this game is slightly ridiculous, but I guess I will succumb to the pressure and do it anyways...) I have to put 7 weird things about me. Here goes...

1) I have a HUGE (and I mean gigantic!) obsession with going to men's section department stores and basking in the beauty of...(drum roll please)... folded polo shirts stacked (neatly, of course) according to color. It makes me deeply satisfied for some weird reason. If they are slightly out-of-whack, I WILL fix them. In fact, Laura Jo has become accustomed to this obsession and subsequent need to rearrange them that she stops at the shelves and waits patiently for me to do what must be done.

2) I have a teddy bear named Brownie that I've had since I was born. I also have a mint-condition bear EXACTLY like him (minus 20 years of love and general wear-and-tear) that we found randomly at the PTA thrift store for $1. His name is Brownie 2 (for lack of a better name).

3) I don't like roller coasters. I never have. It's not the going down part, it's the going up part... and that stupid psychology term: availability heuristic, where people base their prediction of the frequency of an event or the proportion within a population based on how easily an example can be brought to mind. The only time I see a roller coaster on the news is when it's either crashed, gotten stuck or injured someone. No good.

4) I eat my pizza backwards. First, I eat the crust, then I turn it back around and eat from the tip to the larger end.

5) I am hopelessly afraid of three things: fire, car wrecks and falling down stairs.

6) I don't like movies where the animals are sad or hurt. Old Yeller is out, always, so is Benji, Bambi, Fox and the Hound, etc. I don't even like Homeward Bound just because Sassy falls down the waterfall, Chance goes to the pound, and Shadow falls in the hole. I don't even like the part in Aladdin when Jasmine scales the wall to escape the smothered life she lives in the palace and leaves Raja the tiger behind. Raja is so sad.

7) I don't like people to touch my neck. It's a weird quirk, but I really have issues with people touching my neck. Even if they are just gesturing like they're going to, I might freak out. Hug me. Fine. But don't touch my neck.

I tag: Emily J and KVP.

Friday, March 21, 2008

A Divided Heart

"Their heart is divided, now they shall be found faulty." -Hosea 10:2

Lately, I just feel like my heart is divided, like I am trying to balance two different things. I don't know what is wrong with me.

Sorry I don't have anything more interesting to write about tonight.

Monday, March 17, 2008


The great people of this earth today are the people who pray. I do not mean those who talk about prayer, nor those who can explain about prayer. I mean those people who take time out and pray. They have not time; time must be taken from something else. This something else is important, very important and pressing, but still less important and less pressing than prayer. -S.D. Gordon

Unexpectedly, I've seen God start to show me more about prayer. It was something that I've been consciously seeking, but it was something that I'm amazed by and excited about. There are a couple main ways that have really encouraged me. The first is leadership meetings. The way we are able to be vulnerable and pray for each other is really exciting, as our team continues to bond and grow together. I love it.
Today, after the second service of church (though I'm still not sure why I stayed all the way through since I stayed for first service and could have easily left after the announcements portion of second service), I had this urge to go talk to Greg. I didn't know what I was going to say but I went up, he hugged me and then asked how I was. All of the sudden there were words coming out of my mouth, as I heard myself say: "Could you pray with me before we leave today?" I don't do that. I'm not bold and I don't request random things of people that I'm not super-close to, or that I am unsure of how they will respond. And he was really excited about it. He asked if it would be okay if he let another woman, someone I don't know, pray with us. I didn't know what to say. But apparently there was a physiological response because Greg said, "From the way your body just tensed up, I'm guessing you're not comfortable with that yet. That's fine, we'll pray just the two of us." So after everyone left, we sat down and talked and prayed and talked and prayed. He has asked this other lady to sit quietly in the back of the sanctuary and pray for us while we prayed. She heard a lot of what I said and what Greg said and afterward, came up and talked with me, and said that she just wanted me to know that whatever she heard she took straight to the Lord. I was so comforted that that was her response and that this woman who didn't even know me would pray for me.
Then tonight, after leadership meeting, Nicole and I walked back to Phillips-Hawkins from across campus, and we took the long way. Why? Because we were doing a prayer walk. We prayed for many different things and it was such an encouragement to walk with her and pray for Intervarsity, for leadership team, for our campus, for our nation, our world and individuals by name.
And earlier this week I had a phone-date with Karen and we talked for over an hour, and at the end of it, I was driving somewhere, and she asked over the phone if she could pray for me. I said that she could and then I put her on speaker phone, laid the phone down and just drove while she prayed. It was a really different form of prayer, but it was just another way of God reminding me that even people I don't see on a regular basis are praying for me and the power of prayer stretches beyond what we can imagine.

"Pray continually and give thanks in all circumstances..."

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Meet Daisy

the newest addition to our household... DAISY

Thursday, March 06, 2008

Running On Empty

Sammie Jo suggested I read a book called Running on Empty: Contemplative Spirituality for Overachievers. I love it. And it doesn't matter if you label yourself an overachiever or not, if you find yourself always busy, always running on the hamster wheel, always trying to do enough, be enough, become enough, etc... then this book is for you. It is wonderful.

"The crazy truth is that as much as we complain about it, we actually want to be seduced by busyness. But why do we love the killer? In part, it's because when we're busy, we don't have to think about important matters we prefer to avoid. Busyness enables us to quiet the voice of the deeper issues that trouble and haunt us. Plus busyness makes us feel important."

We love being in demand. I realize when I look at my daytimer, which is the one thing that ensures I stay organized and on top of my game, I frequently am concerned with the volume of activity that fills my days. My daytimer has three different types of calendars: months at a glance, where each day is listed with a line next to it, so you can write major events, a month spread where there are blocks you can add a few major things to, and then a day-by-day that breaks my days down into 15 minute increments. My friends have started realizing that if they want my time, they have to get scheduled in. That makes me really sad. It makes me sad that, as was the case last night, I couldn't fall asleep until after 4am, not because I had slept in or taken a nap or had an easy day... quite the contrary. I had had meetings, classes, or activities from 9am until 9pm, and then we had a massive "crisis" in the building with a fire alarm, smoke, and a forced relocation of students for a half hour to another building. I had run myself ragged sure, but my mind still had a hundred things to mull over before I could fall asleep.

"For what will it profit them if they gain the whole world but forfeit their life?" -Matt. 16:26

I saw this All State commercial the other day, where they had people eating dinner or something in the middle of a highway. And the voice over said "Let's start treating people like they are in our homes, not in our way." It was talking about driving, but I realize that that is, sadly, my mindset a lot: that I have a hundred things to get done, and unless you're scheduled into my daytimer, I've got other things on my mind. My prayer recently has been that I would slow down and be blessed by the things that I see as in my way, that I would believe that God's love for and acceptance of me are not things I can earn, and that my worth and value are found in Him and not in what I can accomplish by adhering to a strict schedule and being productive.

"If I had set out to destroy my identity as a beloved child of God, I couldn't have done better than living in America at the start of the twenty-first century. The greatest threats I've encountered are not the arguments of skeptics or the lure of drink, drugs, or sex. The greatest threats are the constant busyness adn frantic hurry that demand my allegiance."