Thursday, July 31, 2003

"Relinquish the hurt they bestowed upon you, and you will truly be set free."

"Let it all go, all the hurt, all the anger you have built up against them. Start tearing down the wall of hatred you have for them because of what they did to you. It is then and only then that you really begin to live."

Alright, now for my lecture of the week. Sorry but this has been bugging me and I feel the need to share it. A lot of people in your life are gonna hurt you. They are gonna stab you in the back, betray your trust, and do things that you never imagined other people would do to you. And it's gonna hurt. It's gonna hurt for a long long time. But you have to remember, and it took me a long time to figure this out, that all people have clay feet. We are all gonna screw up and make terrible mistakes. And no matter how much it hurt, what they did to you, you need to be able to take a step back and say, "As much as that hurt me, I have to forgive them." Forgiveness is the key. It doesn't mean the pain is gonna instantly dissipate, it just means that you can allow yourself to let go of how much it hurt. It's hard to explain. Colossians 3:13 says, "Forgive as the Lord forgave you." It's hard to forgive sometimes because the hurt is still there, and you are angry at what they did. Sometimes it helps to talk about it, then again it may not. What I am trying to say, and not doing a very good job of saying is, We all screw up; we all screw up really badly. We use and abuse other people like they don't have feelings. And you know what? We do it again and again, and most of us never learn. We're human. That's not an excuse to hurt people, but on the flip side, we have to forgive people. We have to say in our hearts, truly, "That hurt me so much, and the pain is there, and I am gonna find a way to deal with the pain, but holding a grudge is not going to help." Never mind, I give up. What I was trying to say didn't come out right and so if you are still reading, I am impressed. Sorry this was no good.

"Realizing that everybody has clay feet gives us an excuse. It is NOT an excuse to hurt people, but it IS an excuse to forgive them." -Unknown
alright. . .
I have been deemed "Love-struck Juliet" -Kelly Atkinson
I have a fever of 102, chills, a cough, and a sore "-er" throat than yesterday, sound like a cold, i think!?!?
I have the day off from work because I am so sick.
Life is good, splendid!!!!!

**msmjr210: i was watching mad about you
**msmjr210: which is ironic, because that title describes how i feel about you

**kells: einstein once said, "how on earth are you ever going to explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love?
**kells: you can't explain it, you just have to live it

True dat.

Mark's away message: "Working [stuff that I am not going to publish. . . . . . . . Love you Lindsay.]

Love is patient love is kind
It's in your heart its in your mind
Love Love Love
You got faith (clap clap)
You got hope (clap clap)
You got love love love
But the greatest of these is. . .
(clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap
clap clap clap) Love love love
love love love love love love love
It does not boast it is not proud
sing it high and sing it loud
Love love love.
You got faith (clap clap)
You got hope (clap clap)
You got love love love
But the greatest of these is. . .
(clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap
clap clap clap) Love love love
love love love love love love love

Hope all of you have a splendid day. I will hopefully go to the doctor and get on something to make this stupid crud go away. God bless.

Wednesday, July 30, 2003

This is funny. I was talking to my great friend Super Sam. I was in the middle of reading her something VERY IMPORTANT, and suddenly in the middle of it, she shouts out,


Later as we are reminicsing on the night's conversations, she says to me, "There's something wrong with us, but HEY, that's okay!"

Then in an email from Dr. Busonik:
"I am very glad you are in my class; my magnanimous writer, and cross word puzzle expert is back in my class!" (the world is a wonderful place)
**msmjr210: yea well some good things came out of it
lindsaycaroline9: like?
**msmjr210: i got time to think about you

Man, if this is what it feels like to be in love, I could live with this feeling inside me for ever!

**kells: isn't love grand?
lindsaycaroline9: yeah, it is super grand.

Well today was definitely a BLAH day. I was in a good mood, and it started out good. I had to nanny, but there are only 7 more days of that. But I was looking forward to going out to the movies with Mark tonight. I was so excited, but when I got home from work, I slept for a little while, and then when my mom got home she told me I should take my temperature. Turns out I have a fever of 101. So, no movies, which makes me oh so sad. Well, even though there was a down fall, I must say that I am still in a good mood. Mostly because there are tomorrows to come and we are both willing to wait for them! Well, I guess I should go now. I am getting cold, don't ask me why, it is 80some degrees in this house and I have on long pants and a long sleeved shirt. . .go figure. Anyways, this is so sweet. (between mark and me)

**msmjr210: Well a positive part of this night is that i gave me another reason to hate viruses
lindsaycaroline9: yes
**msmjr210: they prevented me from seeing you
**msmjr210: but at least i can still talk to you
lindsaycaroline9: yeah that's the cool part
**msmjr210: it is
**msmjr210: i wouldn't give up our conversations for the world

Awww, what a way to brighten my day in the midst of sickness. Well, as I put in my away message. I am sick, but life is great, so it's ALL good!

I will write more later.

Tuesday, July 29, 2003

I am tired. I think I am getting sick, a sore throat and a headache, and chills. I do not need this, but it is nothing to keep life from going, so when I am sick, my days roll on. hehehe. It's good practice for the school year. hehehe. But I have work and other stuff to do, so being sick is something that will just have to happen along the way.

Let's see what has happened today:
the kids I nanny for played in the sprinkler and decided it would be funny to dump a bucket of water on my head. no comment.

i ran with a good friend and we talked about a lot of stuff. He is very easy to talk to, which is good

I am sick

we set a record during work today: it took me 1 1/2 hours to get the two year old to take a nap. we're talking about a kid who goes down in under 15 min.

I did the crossword, jumbles and cryptogram in fewer than 30 minutes!

I talked to someone I haven't talked to in years.

I made two peanut butter, jelly and mayonaise sandwiches (yes all three combined), actually, it was jam, for Emily and Maddy.

I thought a lot about life: How great it is.

"Life is one of those awesome things that we cannot describe. You're always learning, loving, and experiencing more than you ever thought possible. Don't ever stop searching for what you haven't gotten to see yet; never stop. For it is this desire to search for what is out there that gives life its deepest meaning." Anonymous

"I hope you never lose your sense of wonder.
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger.
May you never take one single breath for granted.
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed.
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens.
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance. . .
I hope you dance.
I hope you dance
I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of the least resistance
Living life means taking chances but they're worth taking
Loving might be a mistake but it's worth making
Don't let some hell bent heart leave you bitter
When you come close to sellin out, reconsider
Give the heavens above, more than just a passing glance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance. . .
I hope you dance
I hope you dance.
Time it's a wheel in constant motion
always rolling us along
Tell me who wants to look back on their
years and wonder where those years have gone."
-Leann Womack "I Hope You Dance"

Remember to rejoice because thorns have roses! Oh, and think about the song. It is very inspirational. I love this song! One of my favorite parts is not letting a hell bent heart leave you bitter. A lot of people in your life are gonna hurt you and it's gonna take all your courage and love to fogive them, but you need to. And remember that everyone has clay feet-----every one makes bad choices, so let it go, it's hard but it'll help in the end. Just remember that they hurt you, but they are only human, and forgiveness, even without speaking it, forgiveness in your heart is one of the best ways to move past it. So, my advice for the day is, if someone has hurt you, allow your heart to truly forgive them, and alot of the pain will subside.

God bless.

I have an updated schedule for school:

1. AP Env. Sci. [Boyer]
2. Enr Chem. [Gruden]
3. AG Eng. II [unknown]
*4. Publications!!!! [Dr. Busonik] (he thinks I'm MAGNANIMOUS!)
*5. H. Spanish III [Slattery]
6. Adv. Alg. II [Scicinska]

and 7th pd is Health/PE.

Alright, yes, I know, switching out of Col Lvl ELP may not have been a good choice in the eyes of colleges, but with dance, swim team, track and cross country, there is no way I have extra time for an extra class of homework. I took publications last year and enjoyed being on the newspaper staff, and the nice thing is. . . . Dr. Busonik doesn't normally give homework in that class! I know I sound like a slacker from this post, but if you look at my dance schedule you might understand why. And it's not like I am taking 6 other easy classes.

Here is my dance schedule!!!! Yay! I love dance! I love dance!

5:30-6:50 Teaching Ballet/Tap/Jazz (an 80 minute combination class!)
7:00-7:50 Teaching Hip Hop I (not a competing class)
8:00-8:50 Taking Production Reheasal (a broadway-style, competing class with an emphasis on work by Bob Fosse)

5:00-5:50 Teaching Jazz I (a competing class that teaches the basics of jazz)
6:00-6:50 Taking Jazz II (a competing, advanced class that builds on jazz technique)
7:00-7:50 Taking Hip Hop II (a competing class that builds on previous experience)

5:00-5:50 Teaching Ballet/Tap (a 50min combination class for young children)
6:00-6:50 Taking Clogging II (a competing class building on knowledge of clogging)
7:00-7:50 Modern/Lyrical Advanced (a competing class mixing modern and lyrical styles)
8:00-8:50 Production Rehearsal (same as above, practice is held twice a week!)

5:30-6:20 Taking Gymnastics Tech (a gymnastics class focusing on technique only)
6:30-7:20 Taking Gymnastics Comp (a competing gymnastics class)

For anyone who doesn't understand what competing means, I will explain it. A bunch of dance studios and dance students come to a StarQuest or StarSearch (or some other fancy named company) and are catergorized by age and genre of dance. Then judges score your dance based on choreography, style, synchronization, technique, etc., and you are awarded prizes. This means that I will be doing 6 class related dances at the competitions (we go to about 5, plus nationals, held in NY!), and then there are also my solo to compete and a duet to compete, possibly two duets, and another dance, a tap quartet. Then, I also have to be back stage for the jazz class I teach to cheer the kids on because I am there teacher. I can't wait!!!!! This is awesome!

"Think about the happy things." -Kelly Atkinson
Now, that is my challenge for all of you this week. Focus not on the sucky parts of life and of the past, but on the wonderful things. As I know I said before: "You can complain because roses have thorns or you can rejoice because thorns have roses!"
You can complain because bad stuff happens in life, or you can rejoice because there's tons of good stuff too!!!!!

God bless. :)

Friday, July 25, 2003

I have this really cool book called THE TOP 500 POEMS. I really like it, and I was looking through it and thought I would share a few of the poems. The following three poems I found rather amusing and/or thought-provoking.

"The Red Wheelbarrow" by William Carlos Williams (I am not going to rudely comment on the name. . .that is up to you!)

so much depends

a red wheel

glazed with rain

beside the white

Now my critique of the poem. First, I like it, and the first three stanzas are profound in that he gives a major significance to something that people don't normally give credit to. A lot does depend on a wheel barrow. The last stanza, however, is kind of, well. . .to put it mildly, out of place. I guess he was trying to lighten up the depth of the poem. . .???

Okay on to the next poem.

"In a station of the metro" by Ezra Pound

The apparition of these faces in the crowd;
Petals on a wet, black bough.

Hmmm. . .this one went about ten feet over my head. I have read it again and again, trying to decode the underlying, encrypted message, but to no avail. I am still stumped. Oh well.

The last poem I will share:

"The Purple Cow" by Gelett Burgess

I never saw a Purple Cow,
I never hope to see one;
But I can tell you, anyhow,
I'd rather see one than be one.

O. . . . . k. Whatever. My only comment is: How did this make it into the Top 500 poems anthology? AND, is there some deep, underlying, thought provoking message here that I am missing?

So I had a splendid day today. I went swimming with Tessa and my sister. Then we went to the Millbrook Doggie Park, where you take your dog(s) and let them off the leash in a fenced in area and they can run and socialize with other dogs, while you socialize and play with yours and other dogs. It is so much fun, but really really really hot. Then we had lunch and went shopping. Then came the funnest (i know, i know, that is not a word) part of the day. We filled up 50 water balloons, of all different sizes, and then we took them outside in a basket. Tessa, Sherby and I each held two balloons in our hands. Then we got on the trampoline, still holding the balloons, and we began to jump. Then one of us would yell, "One. . . . . Two. . . . . Three!" and on "three" we would all toss the balloons into the center (we were jumping in a triangular shape), and then we would keep jumping. And the balloons would bounce around and we would try to jump on top of them. Usually we missed, but it was fun to try, and also extremely hilarious to do. Then my sister comes up with the brilliant idea of doing a seat-drop onto a balloon. [For those of you who don't know what a seat-drop is, I guess I will clue you in. Basically you jump into the air, and stick your legs out straight in front of you----in a formal gymnastics meet or competition, you should point your toes nad keep your back straight----and then you basically "sit" down on the trampoline, instead of letting your feet hit the trampoline.) Anyways, we all took turns trying this, but the balloon kept bouncing around too much so it didn't really work, except for one time, which I had the luck of being the seat-dropper. Lol. It was fun and we got really soaked! Well, that is the extent of my very awesome day! And. . .(drum roll please). . . . . .the first chapter of my novel is complete!!!!! Yay!

"The hardest of all is learning to be a well of affection, and NOT a fountain; to show them we love them, NOT when We feel like it, but when THEY do." -Nan Fairbother

"Remember, when people talk behind your back, it only means you are two steps ahead!"

And one of my personal favorites (because I often act like such a goofball):
"When in doubt, make a fool of yourself. There is a microscopically thin line between being brilliantly creative and acting like the most gigantic idiot on Earth, so what the hell? LEAP!"

Alright, that's all for now. Thanks for reading. I need to work on the second chapter of my novel now!---and figure out what the symbol for "goober cards" is going to be. :)

God bless.

Thursday, July 24, 2003

Alright, one last thing. I am making a song out of a bunch of different songs. It is one song made of bits and pieces of other songs all put together. I need suggestions. Here is what I have so far:

1. (1:01) "Satisfaction" [The Rolling Stones]
2. (about :45) "Proud Mary" Ike and Tina Turner

Then maybe something from "Girls Just wanna have fun" or something to that effect. Put any suggestions in the chatter box. Thanks.
Well, the news of the week.

I went to my mom's conference with her. It was a charter school conference. Basically how it works is different people and/or organizations put together presentations to help charter schools with whatever they are struggling with. I sat in on a wonderful college counseling presentation done by a wonderful school------guess which one! That's right--------RCHS. I enjoyed it a lot and the people from the other charter high schools gleaned an incredible amount of info from it and I think it will definitely assist in furthering their high school's program. Later.
"The teacher wonders but she doesn't ask.
It's hard to see the pain behind the mask.
Bearing the burden of a secret storm.
Sometimes she wishes she was never born.
Through the wind and the rain
She stands hard as a stone
In a world that she can't rise above.
But her dreams give her wings
And she flies to a place where she's loved." -Martina McBride.

More later if I decide to expand on my point. Have a great week everyone. Love to all, and God bless.

Saturday, July 19, 2003

Well, updates, since Thursday.

-My sister has come to stay with us for a week. :)
-My friend Lauren and I went to "Red, White and Blonde."
-I made more cards.
-I packed for the beach, and I will be leaving tomorrow morning.
-I have run and danced, lots and lots!
-The shaking/trembling has gotten MUCH worse, and it
really concerns me.

About the trembling and shaking. We called the doctor and she said it was just stress, but I don't think I am stressed enough to be unable to tie my own hair back, or pour juice. It is even hard to type now because I feel like I have no control over my hands. I used to type like 80 words a minute, with few mistakes. Now I am typing like 1 letter every 3 seconds, and I have to push really hard on the keys. This probably sounds crazy but I feel like all control over my motor skills is gone. Dance, gymnastics and running are harder because my legs and feet tremble too, but they tremble slightly. When I try to do gym. like a hand stand or something, I can't because my hands are no longer stable. I have gone from being the second best gymnast in my class to being the worst because I can do so little. It scares me, and I have started drinking nothing but water, and whenever I am at home, I use a lid, because it is so easy to tip it too much as I put the cup to my mouth. I don't like the way this feels, and I wish it would just go away. I have a life to live, drinks to drink, food to eat, races to run, games to play, gym. meets to participate in, recitals to perform at, and a difference to make. I can't write very neatly anymore, and because typing is becoming impossible, I doubt my novel will ever be finished. Oh well. If anyone knows anything that might be causing this, or knows someone I could contact, please let me know. I really need to fix this. More later. My hands are exhausted. Much love to all, and please. .. if you can. .. help me.

Thursday, July 17, 2003


1. AP Env. Sci. (Boyer)
2. Enr. Chem. (Grunden)
3. AG Eng. II ("English"---whatever that means!)
4. Spanish III (Slattery)
5. Col-Lvl ELP (Newmark) ---- [I signed up for AP gov. what in the world is this??? dude!]
6. Adv. Alg. II (Scicinska---- new person?)---guess so!
( and the wonderful 7th period!!!! Health/PE (Talley), darn it I wanted Ms. Edmundson!) oh well.

Later days!

Wednesday, July 16, 2003

Hmmmm. . .my day today? no comment. more on that later. (most of it was spent thinking about the things that happened between the ages of 7 and 10. lots of crap, to put it plainly, but that is the past. . .but then someone told me something that screwed everything up.) on a better note, I have been offered another opportunity to teach dance. I will be instructing a dance camp at my studio in two weeks! Should be fun. I have nothing more to write because I don't like using this to vent anymore. Later.

Tuesday, July 15, 2003

Alright, so now I have a problem and I need advice. The problem is that I am shaking. Not shivering kind of shaking but shaking. And it's not like I feel like I am shaking, but I am visibly shaking. It is kind of a like a very noticable tremble. My hands, arms, legs and feet all tremble, and it kind of scares me. It is getting to the point now where it is hard to pour juice and stuff like that while I am nannying. It's harder to eat with utensils because the food, (especially stuff like rice) just falls off the untensils. I am really freaked out. I have been doing a lesser version of this for a few years, and it has NEVER gotten in the way of anything I do, it was just an unnoticable tremor. I mean, I could tell I was shaking but no one else could, but now. . .it is just getting hard to function, and it worries me. Maybe this is normal? If anyone knows anything about this, please let me know, or give me advice on what to do or how to stop it. It is severely impairing my ability to function normally. So, any ideas on how to make it stop, or advice about what I do now, are welcome. My email is always an option as is imming, as is the chatter box. Take your pick, and thanks in advance.
Alright, I promised to do shoutouts. So here goes, though it is HIGHLY unlikely that any of these people will ever get around to reading this.

Nicole: Remember at Khanki when you told me to think about writing a novel, well. . .I am! I have the first chapter done, though it is not very long. (this is kind of to everyone: I need ideas for what is going to happen to the main character. she is a teenager entering her freshman year of high school. post ANY ideas in the chatter box, because I need help!) Ok, back to Nicole, call me soon so we can get together before school starts. I saw you so much for about three weeks and NOW, it feels like an eternity since I saw you last! Call me, and have a great week. Tell all the kitties and birdies hi for me, and I will talk to you later. Love ya tons -Linzer Teetinzer (remember that!?!?)

Carly: We need to swim together soon! I hope you are enjoying life guarding at the pool; I bet you are super good at it!!!! :) I miss you and it's been forever since we've seen each other. I hope you got lots of good stuff when you went shopping for camp. And I hope you have a super awesome time at camp!!!!! Can you get mail? Send me your address if you can. Love ya babe. -Binzy

Mark: Hope you had fun on your trip with your family, and sorry I couldn't guess where you were! hehehe. Even though this IQ test says my IQ is incredibly high, I didn't know where you were going. :( Shoot me an email when you get back and I'll get you ready for cross country YAY! Later! ~lindsay

Cameron: Batman rocks! Coconuts! Maggie was asking me the other day what a blog was and she got so confused. It was rather cute, lol. I miss seeing you on Sundays, but hopefully I will see you really soon. Keep clogging and putting up with the crap other people throw at you. I know it's hard, but it'll be worth it. Just don't throw crap back at them because that only furthers the problem. But I know how difficult it is, but I love ya, so no worries, k? And remember, God is ALWAYS on your side through thick and thin, and I am too! I'll ALWAYS be here for you. Talk to you soon. Stay sweet. AIMP. Love forever, Lindsay

Ms. Atkinson: You're the bestest, and the greatest. You absolutely rock! (need I say more? I think YOU and only YOU can read between the lines.) Have a great (or would "hotsizzle" work here?) rest of the week at work, and hopefully I will talk to you soon. I finally listened to "You Can't Always Get What You Want", it is an awesome song, but I guess DUH, would be a correct word here because it HAS to be a cool song since the rolling stones rock! You are the best "dancer in warm-up/stretching circles" I know! (can't wait for you to do it again this year! :) ) MUCH LOVE. ~goober :)

Super Sam: Call me. that is all... love ya bunches! ~lins (call me call me, and if you would rather me call you, then post that in the chatter box. i know your number by heart, so just let me know either way)

alright, if I missed anybody, let me know. post it in the chatter box. if i did miss you, my sincerest apologies. i am typing rather fast and my mind is way ahead of my fingers at the moment, so I am so very sorry.

"You can complain because roses have thorns, or you can rejoice because thorns have roses." -Ziggy
Well, tonight, I had dance, and then I ran for a little while, both of which were very refreshing. I will do shoutouts tomorrow. Sorry I am thoroughly exhausted. . .Later.

Monday, July 14, 2003

Alright, this post is a follow-up to my previous one. (and it is a thank-you to "kells" :) for her words of wisdom. . .)

- -kells: you can make a difference in the world by enhancing the lives of those around you-- becasue you inspire them to do great things-- and every day you make more of a difference than you realize-- i promise.

- -kells: think about the little kids you teach dance too--

- -kells: a life lived, is not a life wasted, regardless of what you do in the time between--

- -kells: i am sure you have heard the country song-- that says--

- -kells: "i may not have the midas touch or being columbus, but I am loved and I had an impact."

- -kells: or something to that effect.

(note to "kells": hope you don't mind, but that was way to wise to keep to myself! I think it is important enough that it needs to be shared.)

And just to give proper credit, "kells" is ms. atkinson. I used her screen name, minus two letters so whoever reads this cannot bug her! lol.)

Sunday, July 13, 2003

Ok, well only one person guessed the answer to the last riddle. And, Mark, you are right. Tomorrow's agenda is: Work, Driver's Ed, DMV for permit, 2 hours of dance (clogging and gymnastics), running with someone, hopefully sleep. My hair feels so short and thin!!! It feels so different. I brush it or pull my fingers through it, and when I get to the ends of my hair, I think, "Where's the rest?" Lol. I have done a lot of thinking about what I want to be when I grow up, but I don't really know. All I know is that it has to make a difference in the world. I feel like these 15 years have been wasted in a way, as I have not really touched the world. I want no fame or glory, I just want to better the lives of people. Here are some possible jobs:

President (I would enact lots of laws, not only to protect people but also plants and animals, but there would be
lots of other laws that I would enact too!)
Doctor (the possible types I have thought about are: Neonatologist, Oncologist, Caridiac Surgeon, Sports Med-
icine, ER)
Medical Researcher (find a cure for Huntington's Disease, and other diseases, but that one definitely sticks out
in my mind. Of course I would like to cure AIDS, Lou Gherhig's, and others also.)
Teacher (probably science or history)

Ecologist (save the Planet! :) )

Non profit work is also a huge possiblity, but the problem is I want a family. I want kids, but I don't know if working for little or no pay is going to work out with a family?????? but that can be decided later on.

Of course I would like to work for the UN, or be a police detective, and I would love to travel into space sometime, and being me I would love to dance professionally, but I just don't feel like I can impact lives as much that way. Oh well, I guess I have time to decide.

Alright. Here's your riddle. Post the answer in the chatterbox:

1. There are 5 houses in five different colors.
2. In each house lives a person with a different nationality.
3. These five owners drink a certain drink, smoke a certain band of cigar and keep a certain pet.
4. no owners have the same pet, smoke the same brand of cigar nor drink the same drink.


The Britt lives in the red house.
The Swede keeps dogs as pets.
The Dane drinks tea.
The green house is on the left of the white house.
The green house owner drinks coffee.
The person who smokes Paul Mall rears birds.
The owner of the yellow house smokes Dunhill.
The man living in the house right in centre drinks milk.
The Norwegian lives in the first house.
The man who smokes blends lives next to the one who keeps cats.
The man who keeps horses lives next to the man who smokes Dunhill.
The owner who smokes Bluemaster drinks beer.
The German smokes Prince.
The Norwegian lives next to the blue house.
The man who smokes Blend has a neighbor who drinks water.

Can you figure it out???????????? Post your answers.

Lalalala. I went to bed at three thirty in the morning (and I don't know why I just spelled that out. that was rather stupid). Anyway, I took all four dogs with me, because they always sleep with somebody and somehow, no one took a dog to sleep with them last night. So I get all four. (a 90 pound golden retriever, a 45 lb Enlgish Setter, a 7 pound Yorkie, and a 3 pound yorkie.) I have a day bed and a trundle in my room. Well, the 7 lb Yorkie, Max, barked ALL night LONG! All night! the three pound yorkie, Mysti, Licked my face ALL NIGHT LONG. Jenna, the Golden Retriever, Walked around in circles on my bed all night long, then would jump onto the trundle, whine some, and get back on my bed, only to walk around in circles again, and the process would repeat itself. Finney, the English setter, growled at something all night long. She just growls to hear her voice mostly. Well, I am going out to lunch with my mom's friends, and their 2 year old. After that, I don't think I am doing anything. If anyone would like to go running or swimming, call me or email me or im me. Or if you wanna do something else, call me or im me. I am free the rest of the day. Much love to all.

From my summer:

Funniest game: "Will it float?" A game I played with Elizabeth while out on her jet ski. We brought lunch and floated in life jackets while we ate. We would take something out of the cooler, and say "will it float?" And then we would say, "let's see" and throw it into the water and see what happened.

Coolest word: Definitely a tie between "dramatastically" (from me), and "hotsizzle" (shout out to Ms. Atkinson for that one!)

Happiest song: "Boom Boom Ain't It Great to be Crazy" and "Skinamarinky Dinky Dink"

Truest Quote: "It is hard to find happiness in ourselves, and it is impossible to find it elsewhere."

Funniest Painful Experience: Falling down the stairs while stretching before a run

Most annoying experience: running to dance in flip flops because a certain adult forgot about me

Greatest joke: "What happened to the indian who drank too much iced tea?" He drowned in his teapee. (another shout out to Ms. Atkinson----she is gonna kill me for using all her cool stuff!)

Funniest time with mom: We were at the drive thru at Burger King (she wanted iced tea, unsweet---YUCK!), and it was like 11pm. We were stopped behind some car that had ordered like a million things. Anyway, there were these three hot guys inside. I started smiling and waving and flirting with them. And they flirted back. Oh well. It was fun.

Most embarassing moment of the summer: In driver's ed, driving through a construction zone, and almost running over some guy because I mashed the gas instead of the brake. He was nice about it though.

Most sleep I have gotten: 7 WHOLE hours in ONE night! WOW go me!

Alright. It is rather late now. i will add more later.
So, this is very interesting. When my doctor first prescribed sleep aid for me this week, she instructed me to take only a half of a pill before bed time. She told me that if it didn't work that I could take a whole pill. So my mom called her and she gave the go ahead for me to start taking a whole pill. Well, I am taking a whole pill now. I took it nearly three hours ago. It is supposed to have you asleep in an hour. It has been almost three hours, now. And nothing has happened. I am convinced that I will never get sufficient sleep ever again.

Now for a riddle. Post your answers in the chatter box! It is super hard! (but if I am right about some of the people I think read my blog, then I know that a couple of you can get it right. even those of you who don't write in the chatterbox.)

There is a common English word that is nine letters long. Each time you remove a letter from it, it still remains an English word - from nine letters right down to a single letter. What is the original word, and what are the words that it becomes after removing one letter at a time?

Alright, Start posting.

Well it is after 1 in the morning. I have lunch with my mom's friends tomorrow, then swimming and running. You can still post ideas for the music for the jazz dance. (Note: What are y'all's opinions about me using "Proud Mary" by Ike and Tina Turner for the jazz dance? I am not sure if it is fast enough, but I haven't really listened to it yet. What do you guys think?)

More later. Enjoy the riddle. And you should all come watch when I go to dance competitions, especially if I compete with my solo! :)
This has been a truly awesome week.

Mark: Don't worry. It's all good. Keep making people happy; it brightens people's days. I enjoy our online convos. You always have stories that make me smile.

Super Sam: Love ya girl. We have to get together and make cards! You're the bestest. Tell all the CHBCers I said hi, and that I love 'em. I miss you girl. Call me soon.

Nicole: I am so glad you read this! I love ya girlie. (L*I*P*hehehe---inside joke). How are Rockola, Lightning, Rad, Sam, Minnie, etc? (sorry I can't remember all of them!). We need to hang out soon.

Emily: I hope you had fun in CT, and tell your guy that I said hi. You're so sweet and I love ya. Did you ever finish summer reading? We should swim again sometime soon. . . :) Love ya, and keep the windows rolled down and the radio blarring. :) (can we still egg that person's house I told you about? Just kidding. I would never do that.)

Cameron: Batman is the coolest! You should come to my clogging class; we're cool, unlike your people. I want those cartoons! I can't wait to see them. You are a good drawer and I just know that they will increase the beauty of the cards. Keep it up! Talk to you soon.

Elizabeth: Jet skis and three sixties can be scary! "Will it float?" let's see. Hehehe! remember that? Remember Rockola at midnight after the Luau? Tell Lucky hi. He is the absolute sweetest dog, next to mine and a couple other dogs hehehe. It can be a tie. How bout that? I hope I can talk to you soon. Remember bug eyes and puppy cats, and how Friends is a conspiracy because they don't go to work and they still have money to pay for an apartment in NY? That was a crazy class. hehehe

Ms. Atkinson: Read your blog. Long, but cute. Tell your sister congrats on the city win. That's great. Hope work is going well, and from your blog, it sounds really interesting! That's cool. Remember puddles on the distance run? Remember bad-ass tatoos, and slurping spaghetti at the State meet? Hehehe. Memories are the best! Talk to you soon. Much love.

Carbar: Rockola late at night after the luau! And studying for biology and world civ in Ms. A's room with drinks from the Circus! That seemed like we studied forever! (hehehe and throwing notes in math. that was fun!)
Later babe. Love ya tons!

Saturday, July 12, 2003

I got a hair cut today. It is really layered now and I am not sure that I like it all that much. It looks rather different from my old style. It's not that it looks bad, but just different. You see, I have incredibly thick hair, and by layering it all over my head, it thins it out so it doesn't feel quite as heavy. The shortest layer is in the front next to my face and it goes down to my cheeks. The next longest layer doesn't even reach my chin. And so forth and so on until you get to the longest layer which is about an inch and a half below my ears. It is hard to explain without seeing it. Never mind. Okay, now I would like to tell you a hilarious story about when I went to subway with some of the other dancers from my studio today. We are in there, drinking out drinks, resting from hours of painting, when a girl walks in. She is dressed really dramatastically (my new word). What she has on is very hard to describe. It is basically like overralls but instead of it being shorts at the bottom, it is a skirt. And the skirt is short. I mean short. Like, WAY SHORT. I can't even describe how short. If you have ever seen cheerleader shorts, and know how short they are, then take about two inches off of those. That's how short. Under the "skirt-alls" as we began calling them, seh was wearing a crop top, that was WAY TOO low cut. Okay, well her attire would have been enough to keep us laughing for hours afterwards, but no, the situation can't be that uneventful. In a voice that is nearly the volume of shouting, she says to the young guy working the cash register, "This is a like totally random question, but like can I like use your phone?"
The guy just kind of stands there looking at her, almost in a drooling manner. His brain finally clicks on and he responds with, "Uh, uh, I--I I g-guess so. J-Just make it short, okay? Who do you need to call anyway?"
The girl gives him this mischievous grin, and says sweetly, "My boyfriend. We just like had a fight and I like need to call him to like pick me up."
The guy goes, "What happened between you two?"
She says, "It's like a totally long story."
"Well okay, you can use our phone, but please don't take too long." She starts dialing the number, and begins talking to her boyfriend. "Like, would you please come like pick me up? I mean I'm like in subway, on litchford, and I like want to go home." (Pause) "Like yeah, I am sorry too." (remember this is in subway, a public place, which would have been okay if she didn't have the loudest voice on the east coast.) A little later she hangs up, and turns to the guy at the cash register. "Like so, okay, what happened between him and me was that. . ." So she proceeds to babble out the story for about fifteen minutes, with "like" as every other word. Then suddenly, she starts shouting, "Oh my freakin' god!" "Oh my freakin god." Well she continues to oh her freakin god for five minutes. (no joke), while most of the patrons in subway sit, holding their breath, covering their mouths, trying desperately to surpress their laughter. "Oh my freakin' god!" She says again. Alright, we are thinking, get to the point. "I like totally know you," she says to the guy at the cash register. "Don't you like go to Millbrook high school?"
"Uh, yeah." he says, hating the spotlight he has suddenly been thrust into.
"Like, me too! I knew I like knew you from somewhere. Oh my freakin god," she says AGAIN! "This is like totally cool that I like know someone who works at subway. I am like totally diggin this. Like aren't you?"
The guy just sits there looking at her, when her boyfriend walks through the door. As the two walk out together, the guy at the cash register looks totally relieved. There is no way they pay him enough to put up with this.

The moral of our story is "Next time you are painting your dance studio, and you want a drink, your life will be much more quiet and peaceful if you just go to burger king."

Haha. Hope you enjoyed the story. It is so much better in person. :)
Alright, so today I painted the dance studio. It was fun and it looks nice, and it was most definitely a labor of love. The thing is, I would do ANYTHING for my dance studio. I would teach for no pay, just because I really want the kids I teach to have a good experience. (I am going to get mushy for a sec). You see when I was little, all I ever wanted to do was be in the New York City Ballet Company. That was my dream (that and playing soccer with Mia Hamm one day). I worked hard, but whenever someone would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up and I answered a dancer in the NYCB, they laughed or said "that's nice" very nonchalantly. I am not complaining, but no one seemed interested in my dreams, and that's not what I want these kids to think. You see, I know that not every kid that comes through the studio cares about the NYCB, but some do, and some might aspire to be there one day, and if they do, then I want to encourage them to believe in themselves and go for it. I want to put their goals a little closer within reach. Anyway, I would do anything for my studio. I have listened to "(I can't get no) Satasfaction" by the Rolling Stones as a possibility for the jazz dance, but I am not sure. I have also picked out the music for a solo I am going to do. The song is by Melissa Manchester and it is called "Don't Cry Out Loud." It is a really cool song and is perfect for a lyrical/modern dance, which is the genre my solo is going to be. On the Melissa Manchester CD, there is also a really cool song called "To Make You Smile Again." I like the lyrics, so I will share them with you. They are totally worth your time to read them, so please, please do.

Somebody's been cryin'
Cryin' far too long
So I sat down hoping
There was something in this song

To make you smile again
Oh how I would love to see you happy
To find that extra something to believe in
You've been there before,
So it's only a smile away

Until you laugh again
Just to really feel one day completely
Tell me what it takes and if you
really need me
To make all your grey skies blue today

Sometimes you find that in forgiving
You can mend a broken heart
But somehow you're afraid to turn around
To see there's someone who feels like you

Who wants to smile again
It's not so long agowe shared forever
Everybody goes through stormy weather
But together there's a lifetime to see it
And if you would just smile again
I'll start smilin' to.

The chorus of the song I will do my solo to, goes like this:

Don't cry out loud
Just keep it inside
Learn how to hide your feelings
Fly high and proud
and if you should fall
Remember you almost had it all.

It is a really cool song, and I can't wait to start choreographing the dance to it!!!!! Write something in the chatter box. Especially if you have any ideas for the jazz dance song. .. . . Later guys.

Friday, July 11, 2003

Well, it has been brought to my attention that I have not blogged since Wednesday. Ok, well I am back now, and sorry for the break. I guess at least one person is interested in my life and my writings! LOL. Well I have been working and running mostly, and thinking about life. That's a deep deep subject and it requires much thinking. I have also listened to some interesting music, and I have begun thinking about possible songs to have my Hiphop I, and Jazz I, classes dance to. No really good ideas so far. I am trying to find something upbeat, with maybe an oldies feel for the jazz class, and I might as well explain why. (First off, you know that I am teaching both these classes, right? Teaching and assisting, what I did last year, are two very different things. Assisting, you just help out and sub in for the teacher if he/she has to be gone. When you teach, you teach every week, you pick out the costumes, the music, and YOU choreograph the dance. You also do basic lesson plans in terms of what techniques to teach which weeks.) The jazz class is ages five and up, and is a competition class. If you know me REALLY well, and talk to me a lot during the first 4 months of the year, then you know all about competitions. Competitions are where dance companies go to an auditorium or a school on a Saturday or Sunday and compete against other dance schools. Each dance is catergorized by teh genre of dance, and the age group of the dancers in the dance. Anyway, there are judges, (usually about 3 to 5 judges) and they watch and score your dance piece based on technique, style, choreography, synchronization, etc. The judges are experienced dancers and are all middle aged. Upbeat music gets them "into" the piece, and an older generation song would give them something to relate to. This sounds funny because neither of those two things are on the score sheet, BUT it's human nature to like something you can relate to or something that interests you or that you can "get into." So, any ideas would be welcome. For the hiphop dance, competitions are probably not going to be an option. I will be taking a hiphop class that will compete but hiphop is a very hard genre to compete in, and therefore it is EXTREMELY difficult to even place in a competition with a hiphop dance. The hiphop class that I am teaching is for anyone with little or no hiphop experience. And the jazz class is for younger children with little or no dance experience. (so, if you know anyone who might be interested, tell them to call A'La Dance Magic. There are many other classes to choose from in a variety to dance styles, there are even karate and gymnastics classes. Sorry, I have become a poster child for my dance company...LOL.) anyway, so any ideas for music are welcome and can be emailed to me or posted in the chatter box. So, PLEASE, if you have ANY ideas, let me know. I could really use the help. (Just a note: I have to have the dancers completely ready to compete by mid-December, and the class meets only once a week. . . so PLEASE, I am beggin' for your help, and any ideas would be SO GREATLY appreciated.) Thanks!

"Memories are strange things. There are good ones and bad ones. And the weirdest thing is, when something terrible happens, we often block it out. Then, later in life, the memories come back and tear us up, because of the pain that we never fully dealt with when it happened." -Anonymous

Wednesday, July 09, 2003

One more quote:

"Make yourself a blessing to someone. Your kind smile or pat on the back just might pull someone back from the edge." -Carmelia Elliot
Alright, today I did lots of fun things. Hehehe. I got tons (and I mean TONS) of exercise. First, I took the kids I nanny for around the block. I would have gone further but they cannot endure the immense heat. Then after I finished nannying, Emily and I went to her pool. We swam about thirty laps or so. Then, she took me home and I rushed to get ready for dance/gymnastics. My mom was too busy to take me, so her friend offered to pick me up and take me to dance at 4:45. So, 4:45 rolls around, and she hasn't shown up. 4:50, no sign of her. 4:55 still no sign. (by the way, she never called either). Then at 5pm, there is still no word so I begin the 2 1/2 mile treck to the dance studio. It is freaking hot, and late afternoon. I am in a leotard (my least favorite one---the black, mock-turtle neck with crushed velvet.), and shorts. My hair is in a bun, and I am wearing flipflops because that is what I wear to dance. I know, walking more than two miles in flipflops is not a good idea, but. . .it gets worse! The shortest way to the dance studio (the 2 1/2 mile way) is the same way this friend of my mom's comes towards our house, so I figured she would eventually cruise by and stop and drive me the rest of the way. So I am about 1 mile into my walk (and already 5 minutes late for class) I realize that walking is not going to cut it in order to be to class relatively promptly. So I come up with the BRILLIANT (lol) idea of running the rest of the way in flip flops. Hehehe. What fun!?!?! I am also carrying a backpack with three different pairs of dance shoes, a hair brush, a change of clothes, etc. in it, and it is bouncing along on my back. I bet I looked pretty goofy running in a leotard with flipflops and a back pack on. Anyways, I guess there are two points to this story. One, when I got to the shopping center where my studio is, my mom's friend's car was parked outside the grocery store. . .DUDE! (I am not going to comment on the anger I surpressed). Anyways, the second point is that I think that men need to give ladies a little more respect. I got 9 cat calls, and 3 whistles in that 2 1/2 miles. Geeze! Anyway, that is my story. So I had a nice 1 mile walk and a hurried 1 1/2 mile run, followed by an hour of gymnastics, an hour of jazz, and an hour of ballet. I am thoroughly exhausted. My legs feel like . . . well, I don't know what they feel like, as they have never been quite this sore. I also have a slight sun burn on my eye lids, causing immense pain. Anyways. That is my long story of the day. I am tired, which I think is a good thing as I might FINALLY be able to sleep. I cannot make any of the text in these posts bold, italicized or underlined, which is rather annoying. . . lalalalala. I suppose I SHOULD run, but I am kind of afraid seeing as it is dark from the storm, and that freaks me out, regardless of whether or not my dog comes, I am extremely afraid of running alone when it is after sunset. Oh well. I will run farther tomorrow. :)

Alright, I will leave you with a quote.

"I think these difficult times have helped me to understand better than before how infinitely rich and beautiful life is in every way and that so many things that one goes around worrying about are of no importance whatsoever." -Isak Dinesen
So, I am writing this right before I go swimming. I am going swimming with a really good friend, Emily! We should have fun. Then it is off to dance for 3 hours, and then running. Busy busy busy, but FUN FUN FUN. Note: The sleeping medicine did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to help me fall asleep. Ho hum. Oh well. I will just go on being tired I suppose. You'd think with all I do during the day that there would be NO WAY I could suffer from insomnia, but I guess that's just the way it is. Irony and all. I hafta go swimming now! (already practicing for swim team!) So all year, other than school there is cross country, track and swim team, plus seventh period, and four nights of roughly 4 hours of dance each night, per week. :) This is going to be SUPER FUN! (and that is a statement made in full seriousness.)

""It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere." -Agnes Repplier
Hmmm, ok so my doctor perscribed sleeping pills so that the sleep deficit would decrease in severity. After totaling it all up, I found that in 7 days, I have gotten less than 15 hours of sleep total. That can't be good. You'd think that a job, at least 2 hours of dance, and close to an hour of running, day after day, after day, would eventually make me sleep. Go figure. And the most ironic part is that all my life at sleepovers I would fall asleep at like 10pm. I just would get soooo tired that it was literally impossible to hold my head up. It was really embarassing but it was something I couldn't help. And now, I can't sleep. I was always a "good sleeper;" and I could fall asleep anywhere, even with lots of noise and with the lights on. It was just how I was. Now I can stare at a computer screen for hours and never feel tired. I hope these sleeping pills work. They are supposed to have be asleep within an hour of taking them. It has been three hours as of now, and well, I am up. And feeling quite giddy. Go figure. Oh well. I will stop ranting about my sleeping condition now. Hope all of you sleep well. :)
Have an awesome week, and if you wanna hang out, I might be able to.
I get to paint a room at the dance studio on Saturday. Some of the other rooms are painted pink or blue. The blue is really pretty, BUT the pink looks like we drenched the walls in pepto bismol. We are painting this room lavendar. Personally, I am partial to the lovely colors of red and yellow. They make me happy.
Well, I shall go now so as not to bore you with my incessant rambling! lol.
The chatter box is there: I need ideas for the card company.
I will leave you with one word:

"I see no reason to keep silent about my enjoyment of the sound of my own voice." (hehehe --- that is definitely a lindsay"ism"!!!!!!!!!hehehe. I like that: lindsayism. what a cool, cool phrase. That is the new phrase of the century: lindsayism. hehehe. sorry it is late and I am trying to figure out what to do with all this energy!)

Tuesday, July 08, 2003

Alright I am making up a new language for use in my blog.

WOHA : No worries; God is Always with you.

Gallpers: I love you.

Regallpers: Love you back!

Rodon: I miss you.

Rerodon: I miss you too!

Yappeedappee: Call me soon! or Talk to you soon.

Clay Aiken: I met this hot guy. . . (lol I am a goofball)

Alright, now to tell y'all about the run. I took my golden retriever with me because it was gettin kinda late and dark. She is really bad about running too fast, but she definitely motivated me. Up hills she made me sprint, which is the kind of pressure I needed. But I am teaching her the commands "Sprint" "walk" and "jog" so she can be a good runner. We ran for about fourty five minutes, and she is EXHAUSTED! I, after about 3 hours of sleep, 3 hours of driving lessons, 5 hours of babysitting, 2 hours of hip hop and 1 hour of running, am feeling the tiredness, maybe I will sleep well tonight......NAW!

"It's what's inside that counts. The best ones are the ones who don't just go, they go all the way, the ones who don't just hit the road, they tear the wind in half!" -Lance Armstrong
Hmmmm. I had 2 hours of hip hop tonight, and I am about to leave for a run. Well, I cannot decide what the "symbol" should be for Goober Cards. I thought about a sprial, a star, or a peanut, but I really just don't know. If you have any ideas, please leave them in the chatterbox. Thanks! Oh, and I really want it to be something cute, and happy-looking. I want it to make people smile! (not something boring like the Hallmark Gold Crown-----Muy Aburrido! (spanish for VERY BORING!)

So I got offered a position at the dance studio doing more than assisting in classes. I get to teach a beginnner level jazz class and a beginner level hip hop class. Should be fun. It also looks as though I will be living at the dance studio four nights a week (M, T, W, Th) from 5-9pm. So my schedule is school, seventh period included, followed by cross country from 3-4:30, then dance from 5-9, and homework after that. I love being busy. It makes me work harder at everything I do. I will be taking some or all of the following classes at the studio:

Jazz (Advanced)
Hip Hop (advanced)
Clogging (intermediate)
Pointe (a ballet form)
Gymnastics (tech and company)
Production (Broadway-style class, mostly Bob Fosse stuff)
Tap (Advanced)

Plus I will be helping out in a lot of little kid classes (like 2 year olds) where they are just learning how to move their bodies certain ways. Should be fun, but VERY busy. I like it though. I am a little worried because I signed up for seven classes at school (2 are AP, 4 are Enr or Adv, and the only one that isn't is Health)-----??????? Ahhhhh, but the other activities will keep me motivated because I don't want to give up ANYTHING. I do my best when I am busy 24/7.

Gotta RUN! (no pun intended!)
So I had my second day of the driving part of driver's ed today. Loads of fun, lol. I drove on I-40 at approx. 65 mph. Last night I couldn't fall asleep, no matter what I tried. I tried everything; my mom has even put me on Benadryl Allergy Medicine to see if that will make me fall asleep. It did NOT work at all. Oh well. I guess insomnia will just become a fixture in my life. I finally fell asleep at 4:30 this morning, but then I had to get up to go to D.E., and so I had to wake up at 7am. I am EXHUASTED. Now I have 2 hours of dance classes, followed by a run. Then maybe I will be tired enough to hit the hay (as they say), but I am not holding my breath.

"Don't leave five minutes before the miracle happens." -a popular saying. (oh, in case that saying didn't click, it means "don't give up on life, just before it becomes worth living.")
Cool, huh?

Monday, July 07, 2003

Well, I created a second blog. This one will remain. I plan to continue writing on this one, but the new one is for my poems and compositions, that way no one HAS to read them on here. Anyways, had a fairly good day. Dance exhausted me, and I sucked when we went running. I guess I just had a lot on my mind. :( Anyway, I hope you are all doing well, and maybe one day I will let everybody know the website for my other blog, but I am not so sure I want to just yet.

So, new format. LALALALA. I at least like it much better than the previous format I had concotted. (hehehe, I wonder if that is a real word.) Anyway, got off work early, YAY. (not that I don't love those kids to death! they can be quite sweet, but. . .oh well, they are kids). Anyway, tonight is clogging, ballet then Gymnastics, followed by running!!!!!!!!!! Should be a good night considering all those things make me VERY happy. I made some cards today. One is really quite boisterous, (cool word!), and rather profligate (meaning "wildly extravagant", another cool word!). What I did was I took cotton balls and dipped them each in a different color of paint (6 colors total: red, orange, yellow, green, blue, and purple), and then sponged them on the card and the envelope. Now they match, but they are a little much to look at. Hehehe. Anyways, they look cool, whether or not they will actually sell is another question. . .
anyways. more later.

Sunday, July 06, 2003

So, today was not so bad. I am excited about tomorrow. Other than working, I have 2 1/2 hours of dance classes, and then I am getting together with people to run.

There was a time when I needed you
more than anything else
There came a time when I had to begin
to rely on myself
I had to start looking within me for the
feelings I needed to feel
But the lessons about life and love you
taught were real
You always carried your head held high,
always wore a smile.
You showed what friendship was about,
and I will miss you for a long while.
Through all the hard times, you never
left my side.
You proved that through thick and thin,
friendship will abide.
You showed me all about new dawns, a
brand new start
You lived life with a caring, nurturing, loving,
compassionate heart.
I wish that I could have helped you in your time
of true need,
but I understand that fate has a reason, which
we all must heed.
So what happened cannot be redone, and we
must keep moving on,
Waiting for the new chance, the next day, the newly
risen sun at dawn.

These are the things Diana taught me. About living without regretting the past, and moving forward each and every day. Remembering that "we cannot embrace the future and make it ours until we have released the past." It took me a long time to share these things with other people, mostly because it hurt. I soon came to realize that there is a lesson to be learned from all of this, and there is a new start tomorrow. Thinking about everything she taught me (everything above) made me realize that what happened was out of my control, and I cannot change it now. I have to move forward, and reach out so that this doesn't happen again. I want other people to know that life keeps going. Yes, it hurts like nothing else in the world, and the pain is there for a long time, but the lessons she taught me are priceless. I want other people to glean something from them, and understand that what Diana taught me is not something true of only her life or mine, but of the lives of people everywhere. And what I don't want to ever happen again, is for someone to take for granted lessons and friendships until it is too late. For it to take pain for the realization, about the wisdom and the love that some people have, to come to them.

That took a lot out of me, I will cease composing at this time, and let whoever is reading this have time to digest what I have just shared with you. Thank you, if you are reading this line, for taking the time to read this and learn what I learned from her.

"Happiness is not hard to come by. It is letting go of all the sadness you've experienced that gives people the most trouble." -Anonymous

Wow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is one COOL quote. Any guesses as to who said it??????????? Maybe I will write the answer later. See if you can figure it out.

More things that make me happy:
-ultimate frisbee, and diving onto the ground in an attempt to catch the frisbee (and getting really muddy and cut-up in the process)
-the feeling I get when I figure out how to do a dance step before every one else in my class
-making cards
-hearing Clay Aiken sing (especially "Build Me Up Buttercup," "Bridge Over Troubled Water," "Everylasting love," and "I could Not Ask for More.")
-the TV show "Strong Medicine" (really cool. Lifetime, Sunday nights at 10pm)

Well, I need to let my sister back on the computer. More later.

Love to all.
God Bless,
Alright, so someone told me that they wanted to know what makes me happy, and I think it will make me feel better to list them here. Here goes:

-Country music
-nail polish
-custom-made cds, that my friends give me
-dance (clogging, gymnastics, ballet, jazz, tap, modern and hiphop)
-hearing my sister practice guitar
-people in my life
-sweet tea, and black coffee (both not good for me)
-crushed ice
-the Life,etc section of the N&O (comics, cryptoquote, jumbles, crossword)
-puddles to jump in
-the thing that makes me the happiest is that overwhelming feeling when you are so happy, you don't think you could ever be happier.
-SLEEP (as it has been over 2 1/2 weeks sense I have had more than 5 hours of sleep in a night.)

"There is so much in the world to care about." -Laura Dern

"The turning point in the process of growing up is when you discover the core strength within you that survives all hurt." -Max Lerner

"Slow down and enjoy life. It's not only the scenery you miss by going too fast - you also miss the sense of where you are going and why." -Eddie Cantor

"Laughing is the sensation of feeling good all over and showing it principally in one spot." -Josh Billings

Wow! I feel better. I am not just saying that either. I know now what to do when I feel like I am spiraling downward. Just go running, play soccer, dance, do something, paint my nails, whatever.

"The happiest times in life are the times when we are around people who make us laugh, and when they tell us that they love us. The final happiest time in life is when we realize that we ourselves have made ourselves happy, and that, though other people, help, it is ultimately ourselves who make us feel the happiest." -Anonymous

That is all for now.
Have a great rest of the weekend.

Love to all.

Saturday, July 05, 2003

Alright, I did everything wrong today; everything I did was wrong; and I always thought it was impossible to do EVERYTHING wrong. And I am not exaggerating. This is the absolute truth.
Here are a list of some of the things I did wrong today:

1. I went to sleep too late (I couldn't help having insomnia. and I have been instructed not to take sleeping pills)
2. I woke up too late (dude, there was nothing I was supposed to do all day, and I woke up at seven o clock this morning.)
3. I put on clothes that embarassed my sister. (shorts and a t-shirt----we were only going to the movies)
4. I sat in the wrong seat at the movies (it was dark, i didn't mean to)
5. I knocked over my sister's popcorn (first, it was in the middle of the walkway, second I offered to buy her more, third i apologized profusely)
6. I asked if I could go running (ok, is that a crime now? we weren't doing ANYTHING at all, and I simply asked if it was ok. to think someone would yell at me for that)
7. I didn't put sour cream on the grocery list (ok, apparently i am the ONLY one in this house who is expected to put something on the grocery list. i don't even eat sour cream. how was i supposed to know it had expired?????????)
8. I left the ice maker on the front of the refridge on "crushed" ice, not cubed (ok, i am soooo sorry. geeze. i am not supposed to be human. i didn't mean to, it was an honest mistake)
9. I asked my sister politely if I could use the computer long enough to sign off of AIM (she and my mom blew my head off for that.)
10. I did my sister's chores so she wouldn't have to spend her only week at mom's working. (she said she would like me to, and then yelled at me because she said i was only trying to make myself look good)
11. I breathed. This is the biggest infraction of the day. My sister is infuriated because I am alive. She cannot stand me at all. Nothing I say or do is right, and of course, my mom agrees because she is trying to make my sister happy.

Friday, July 04, 2003

Well, okay, so I was on, listening to music and watching the music videos. They are all country, because well, I am a country junkie. And I was clicking on one and I clicked on one by mistake. The music sounded good so I decided to listen. This is the chorus:

I miss my friend,
The one my heart was so confided in
The only one I felt so safe with
Who knew just what to say to make me laugh again,
And let the light back in.
I miss my friend.

Talk about something that tore me up and made me cry. The pain is so unbearable, and I thought it had subsided (mostly), but it came back. Now I am scared it will never go away. It hurts.

I wish I could write about all the events of today. But nothing great happened. My sister told me all the things that my dad and step mom are saying about me. (they are not pleasant things); apparently I am a bad child, a stupid person, etc. Very supportive, don't you think? And then she got all mad at me and my mom and said "at least some people in this world love their dads." Ok, first, I love my dad soooooo sooooooo sooooooo so much. He means so much to me. And second, what gave her the idea that I didn't? Ahhhhhhhh I can't handle this. I am being bad mouthed and turned into some kind of uncaring child. Sorry for the rant, but I have no one to listen. Computers are very good at that. I am still convinced that NO ONE reads this except maybe one person and that person is who has visited the sight a hundred times. Oh well.

Maybe I will give up blogging. Nothing happens that is making people smile in my life. It is depressing.

Good bye

The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain. -Dolly Parton

Wednesday, July 02, 2003

So what do I write today?

I didn't really do that much. Very emotional and stressful type of day, but if you have read past blogs then you understand why. I guess I should be over my grief now, but I am not. Well, maybe that is a bad thing. Other things have happened that have really just put me on edge. I am not sure how to get "off edge" but I really want to, and am working hard to be able to. I will figure it out soon enough, I hope. I don't know why I even write in this blog, no one reads it. Well, I think I will go now.


Tuesday, July 01, 2003

So, let's see today:
Worked: 8-4
Ran: 4-5
Walked witha friend: 5-6
Danced: 6:30-8:30
came home, showered, got online.

I am trying to keep busy, because if I am not busy, I am thinking, mostly about Diana. It keeps me low, which is not how I like feeling, so I try to stay busy. Late nights are the worst because so little is there to keep me occupied. Well, that is all today. I have a going-away party for a friend tomorrow :( and then dance for three hours. I have the rest of the week off from work, but I am not sure whether to be happy or sad about that. Have a great fourth of July everyone, and remember to tell people what they mean to you.

God Bless,