Newness...

It's shaping up to look like 2009 is going to be full of a LOT of things that I've never done before, am afraid I'll fail miserably at doing, (and apparently, from reading this sentence thus far, a grand opportunity for a lot of pessimism...lovely), and in general a lot of "scary" things that are going to happen. 

Let's see. 

I start my job at David's Bridal (read the previous post if you want to know how much I'm fretting about that one). 

I am the Oasis Coordinator for Intervarsity. That means I lead a team of people who plan our weekly Large Group meetings for between 60 and 150 people. This includes worship, speaker, announcements, games, emcees, and a whole lot of other things I'm still figuring out. It also means I'm on Exec for IV; both of these are things that I have no idea how to do. I've never even been involved in planning an Oasis meeting before...this should be interesting. 

I have moved into my first apartment. (Read: off-campus, no meal plan). I will need to learn the smaller details of off-campus life: commuting with time to get to park and get to class, grocery shopping and gasp: cooking meals (I'm a good cook; it'll just require more time...), and yadda yadda yadda. 

And this one should be the easiest, but I'm terribly afraid to fail at it. I'm the Maid of Honor in my best friend's wedding. Cool, except that means I plan a bachelorette party, a couple showers, keep her from freaking out the closer we get, etc. 

Anyway, I'm scared. There's so much "new" happening and so much "old" not happening. So much "comfortable" leaving. It reminds me of a Sara Groves song, so once again, I'm going to stop rambling about my life and relate it to a coherently written song:

I don't want to leave here, don't want to stay,

Feels like pinching to me, either way. 

But the places I long for the most are the places where I've been

They are calling out to me, like a long-lost friend.

It's not about losing faith; it's not about trust.

It's all about comfortable when you move so much. 

And the place I was wasn't perfect, but I had found a way to live

And it wasn't milk or honey but then neither is this. 

I've been painting pictures of Egypt, leaving out what it lacks

The future feels so hard and I want to back

But the places that used to fit me cannot hold the things I've learned

And those roads were closed off to me while my back was turned. 

The past is so tangible, I know it by heart.

Familiar things are never easy to discard.

And I was dying for some freedom but now I hesitate to go

I am caught between the "promised" and the things I know. 

And I know that in my inadequacies, God will show up. I know that in most of these things, I won't, and maybe can't, "fail" in the normal sense of the word. I guess the song is really accurate when it says: "I am caught between the 'promised' and the things I know." I'm caught in between what I know, what has become comfortable, even if it wasn't "milk and honey," and the things I know God has in store, that He has promised to work together for good. Why is that concept so hard?