Alright, hey everybody. I don't know how many of you ppl still read this, but for anyone who does, I want to share about my weekend with you.
It was a truly life-altering weekend. We learned about living life.
The prompt of the weekend, and the inspiration for three sessions, was "A LIFE TRULY LIVED IS A LIFE. . ."

-A life with meaning/purpose
-A life given
-A life received

I am not, however, going to sit here and preach to you. I do want to tell you, though, that YOUR life is special to God, and YOU were worth Jesus's sacfice on the cross.

One of the things I have struggled a lot with in the past two years is the question one of my pastor's posed during a sermon. "Is the life you're living worth Christ dying for?" I went to bed many a night, crying because I didn't feel like a) my life was worth ANYONE dying for, especially the Son of God, and b) that I was unworthy of this incredible sacrifice. [Note: This DOES NOT mean that I think I should be PERFECT in any way, because only Jesus was, and ever will be.] I wanted to live a life that was worth what Jesus endured on the cross, but I didn't believe that I was worth it or that I was even slightly capable of living one that was worth that.

Well, this retreat changed my entire outlook. I am worthy of the sacrifice, which is part of the receiving thing. I have to be able to receive with an open heart, and to graciously accept what He did for/gave me. It's hard to fathom that I, a child, who does so much wrong, and isn't perfect is worth the crucifixtion of the Son of God, but it's true.

I also learned that everyone has a purpose in life, be it music, charitable work, etc, but all are equally important. We all need to use what gifts and abilities God gave us to live a meaningful life. However, we also discussed, that, (take me for example), my purpose right now might be to glorify God through dance, while 20 years down the road, it may be in another area (ie medicine, teaching, etc), and we have to be open to the changes God has for us in our purpose.

A life truly lived is a life given. When Jesus died, He gave us a promise that if we accepted and believe in Him, that we would have eternal life (John 3:16, "For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall NOT perish but have everlasting life."), and He gave us mercy and forgiveness, and unconditional love, and hope.

Alright, now about the rest of the retreat:
Friday: Got on the bus around 6, left and drove up to Camp Hanes (affiliate of the YMCA).
Once there, we unpacked, and then went to a short meeting, about general rules (ie: NO PURPLE!!! ---this is kinda an inside joke at retreats: Girls' cabins have pink steps, and the guys' cabins have blue steps. If a girl steps on a guys' porch, the porch becomes PURPLE, and vice versa for the guys. THERE IS NO PURPLE!!!! *wink*)
Then we played trainwreck (not cool if you have a torn ligament), and mafia (*yawn*) Then it was time for beddy-by. Lights were supposed to be out at 11, but being that we are girls and LOVE To talk and giggle until all hours, it was, well, let's just say LATE!!!! by the time we turned out the lights! My youth leader Leslie and I got up at 6 to go run (yeah, it was kinda stupid, because on a mountain, you don't run up and down consistently. You run up until you feel like your legs are gonna fall off, then you run down and keep sliding on the rocks!!!!) and we got back to the cabin about seven, which is when we woke everyone else up, and then it was a mad dash! 20 girls and 8 leaders, all scrambling to use one of the three showers BEFORE the hot water ran out!!!!! Not cool. Then my youth leader Lexi (not to be confused with Leslie) fixed my hair before breakfast, cause with a torn ligament in my elbow, fixing hair is just the slightest bit, well, DIFFICULT! Then breakfast, then individual devotionals, then our first true group session. Then lunch, then 4 hours of free time. It would have been nice if I could have canoed, (but again the arm prevents that), or climbed the rock wall (stupid arm), or swam (why did i have to tear the ligament anyway?), but I went about half way up the mountain, and then down again. Lol. (Cam, that was SUPER FUN!) Then Lexi re-did my hair cause it was falling out. Then dinner. Then group-session number two. Then a half our of time in the gym, to play crab tag or somethin. Then Aladdin. (Lexi and Allison, both youth leaders, decided it would be funny to sing ALL the songs with the movie. SHEESH. College kids have NO LIFE!) Then bed time, and again we didn't turn the lights out in time. oh Well. Lights went on at 7 am, and no we didn't run on Sunday cause it was freakin cold and rainy, and we were a little sore from a hike up and a run up the mountain!!!! haha Another mad dash for the showers, then breakfast. Then pictures, then group session number 3. Then packing up and getting ready to go home. Then lunch, and then on the buses to go home.

Funny quotes, though you probably had to be there:
"Huh? What? I can't hear because Cameron kicked my ear, and now I can't hear." -Eric
"Do you mind if I throw ice cold water all over you?"-Some kid who thinks I would ENJOY that!!! (w/e)
"Cameron, where'd you put my salad?" -Me cause Cam kept stealing my salad while I was eating my sandwich!!!
"Don't put bumps in my hair, Lexi. I don't like bumps. . . Are you SURE they're even? Because they need to be even, and the ribbons have to be the same size too." -Me while Lexi was fixing my hair, because she was putting these little pig-tail bun things on the side of my head, and I wanted them to be neat and even with NO BUMPS!) Her response:
"Beggars can't be choosers!" -Lex
Hahahaha. Needless to say, it was an awesome trip. THere are more fun stories to come, but I really should do something productive right now, (NOT that any of you made it all the way through this!!!!!) lol

School, and doctor and dance tomorrow.
And court on Tuesday (not that I have a choice in the matter of going, but I really really really really really really really really would rather talk to a judge in chambers instead of standing up infront of my dad, mom, and all these other people and telling them about EVERYTHING that has happened in my life over the last four years. Geeze. Anyway, I won't complain. No one likes whiners, and I don't want to be one. (the weird thing is that they are NOT fighting over me, cause my dad has basically said "Yeah, I don't think it is working out for us to see each other. . ."-sounds like a boyfriend doesn't it? and to think. .. .. . anyway, they are only fighting over my sister, but they don't want to tear her apart by having her testify, and really, if I can keep her from having to, I will. I don't want her to have to, cause it is really hard and it truly does tear you apart.) anway, enough ranting.

Later everyone. If you have ANY questions about anything I posted, then let me know and I will answer them!!!! (I don't want to be preach-y but I know that not all of that made sense and I am trying to type rapidly and finish, but if you need more info about stuff, let me know and I will gladly accomodate you.)

LORD, I AM WILLING TO RECEIVE WHAT YOU GIVE.
LORD, I AM WILLING TO LACK WHAT YOU WITHHOLD.
LORD, I AM WILLING TO RELINQUISH WHAT YOU TAKE.
LORD, I AM WILLING TO SUFFER WHAT YOU INFLICT.
LORD, I AM WILLING TO BE WHAT YOU REQUIRE.....
WHATEVER IT TAKES, WHATEVER THE COST!

Alright. . .allow me some time to rant real quick.

I was looking at cards in the drug store the other day, just sifting through them, mostly because I am interested in what spawns card ideas. I came across this one, and what it said really bothered me.

On the front it said, "EVERYTHING IS FATTENING."

On the inside it said, "BAD NEWS FOR PEOPLE WHO EAT!"

Had it had some inspiring message at the end, I might have been more "ok" with it, but that was ALL it said. What is America coming to that we think that is, well, funny/good/etc. Geeze. anyway, had to get that out of my system.

I had a splendid time in dance tonight! (lol- most of you know me well enough to know that I would say that dance is my entire life, and still it is the bane of my existence.) anyway, I LOVE MY ADVANCED HIP HOP CLASS, (dont get me wrong, I LOVE IT ALL, and hate it all at the same time, but hip hop makes me laugh) Anyways, there are six other girls (ranging in age from 15 to 17) in the class, and today we were doing shoulder spilts, which i guess I should attempt to explain. Shoulder splits are where you sit up, then roll back, onto your back/shoulder (yes, only ONE shoulder) and do a split in the air. So we all laughed hysterically because we kept saying and doing funny things.
Nikki, for instance said (and remember she is in her shoulder split during this, so she is kinda having a hard time getting it out because her face is smushed into the ground.) "Ummm, I think I'm stuck."
Now why that sends seven teenage girls into fits of uncontrollable laughter, I cannot explain, but it did, and we spent the rest of the night, working on our dance, and attempting to muffle our constant giggles.

Now I need to tell you about my laptop/file cabinet adventure!
(First, I worked ALL summer and saved enough to buy my own laptop.)
Well, we had a project thing to do in health today, and my group wanted me to bring in my laptop, so I agreed. After class (thats my first class), Ms. Talley, my health teacher said I could leave it in her file cabinet, where she keeps her purse. I watched as she locked up the cabinet drawer. So after school, I come back to get it, and GUESS WHAT!?!?!?! She can't find her keys. We deduce that she must have accidentally locked them in the drawer too. So the two of us wander around school trying to find another teacher with a file cabinet that has the same lock code as hers. Well, wouldn't you know it! I think a total of two other teachers in the school had file cabinets that even locked! So she sends me to ask Ms. Atkinson for her plethera of keys, which she is happy to give us. We try all of them (there a bajillion!), and none of them work. So Ms. Koch tells us that Mr. Boyer can break open a file cabinet, but it will no longer be able to open. So Ms. talley tells me to go give the keys back to Ms. Atkinson, and to go find Mr. Boyer. Well, I do this, and when I get back, I find Ms. Talley practically praising Mr. Grant. (If you dont go to my school, then you don't know what a funny and strange sight this is), and Ms. Talley says "Lins, Mr. Grant just jerked the drawer really hard and it came right open!!" Anyways, my laptop and Ms. talley's keys and purse are safe. That was enough drama for one day!

So today, Maggie, who is on the yearbook staff, interviewed me about track last year.

I was telling my health teacher (Mrs. Talley) later, about the interview.
Here is the ensuing conversation:

"Mrs. Talley!!!! Guess what!?!?! I got interviewed for the yearbook."

"Wow! Cool. what was it about?"

"I had to give them five adjectives to describe Mr. Grant as track coach." (All this was said with a broad smile on my face)

"Oh, dear god. What did you say?"(she said this while rolling her eyes, and laughing to herself)

"Hmmm, I said:
*fashionably challenged (this was because he wore knee socks pulled up to his knees, a parka, a sweat band, and grey cotton shorts)
*Stubborn
*slave-drive
*hairy
*moody
(and my other one was that he is obsessed with his Mazda Miata, but that one got left out cause I liked the other five better.)

So, yeah, I thought that was fun and enjoyable. ;)

In other news:
I had my first cross country practice in six weeks. Due to an injury to my sheath tendon, I have not run for nearly 45 days! Anyway, I enjoyed being out running again, but other than that, I will say nothing else about how practice went. . .

Dance: UGH. Long and tiring. Tap, jazz and hiphop. I don't think I was the best teacher tonight, but I think its ok, but I had the worst headache, and I was nauseous.

Anyway, I need to go occupy myself. *goofy, but sweet grin* (with a halo over my head)

here's more from my youth leader. This is her profile:

"The more we let God take us over, the more truly ourselves we become - because He made us. . . . It is when I turn to Christ, when I give myself up to His personality, that I first begin to have a real personality of my own." ~C.S. Lewis~

Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. ~1 Thessalonians 5:16-18~

Not only so, but we rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. ~Romans 5:3-5~


Alright, I, at least, am inspired by her courage and attitude to take this all in stride. More later.

People should re-think the saying, "why me?" Why NOT me?

"God has a purpose for every problem; He uses problems to draw you closer to Him."

"You'll never know that God is all you need until God is all you've got."

I got this off my youth leader's away message. She recently hurt her knee so bad that she can no longer play rugby at UNC and it could take months more for her to heal. I had to share this, because it's so true. She isn't wallowing in self-pity, but she's trying to look at the bright side of the situation. This has truly changed the way I look at my life, and I hope it makes a difference in how you feel too. (I know, this sounds like a mushy, school-day presentation, but it's true, and we can all take a lesson from my youth leader's attitude!!!!

This is SO TRUE!!!!!

I AM THANKFUL

FOR THE WIFE
WHO SAYS IT'S HOT DOGS TONIGHT,
BECAUSE SHE IS HOME WITH ME,
AND NOT OUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE.

FOR THE HUSBAND
WHO IS ON THE SOFA
BEING A COUCH POTATO,
BECAUSE HE IS HOME WITH ME
AND NOT OUT AT THE BARS.


FOR THE TAXES
THAT I PAY
BECAUSE IT MEANS THAT
I AM EMPLOYED.


FOR THE CLOTHES
THAT FIT A LITTLE TOO SNUG
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I HAVE ENOUGH TO EAT.

FOR MY SHADOW
THAT WATCHES ME WORK
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I AM OUT IN THE SUNSHINE.

FOR A LAWN
THAT NEEDS MOWING,
WINDOWS THAT NEED CLEANING,
AND GUTT ERS THAT NEED FIXING
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE A HOME.

FOR ALL THE COMPLAINING
I HEAR ABOUT THE GOVERNMENT
BECAUSE IT MEANS THAT
WE HAVE FREEDOM OF SPEECH.

FOR THE PARKING SPOT
I FIND AT THE FAR END OF THE PARKING LOT
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM CAPABLE OF WALKING
AND THAT I HAVE BEEN
BLESSED WITH TRANSPORTATION.

FOR MY HUGE HEATING BILL
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I AM WARM.

FOR THE LADY
BEHIND ME IN CHURCH
THAT SINGS OFF KEY
BECAUSE IT MEANS
THAT I CAN HEAR.

FOR THE PILE
OF LAUNDRY AND IRONING
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I HAVE CLOTHES TO WEAR.

FOR WEARINESS
AND ACHING MUSCLES
AT THE END OF THE DAY
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I HAVE BEEN
CAPABLE OF WORKING HARD.

FOR THE ALARM
THAT GOES OFF
IN THE EARLY MORNING HOURS
BECAUSE IT MEANS THAT I AM ALIVE.

Thought these might inspire y'all. Enjoy.

“When life becomes overwhelming, go to a small quiet corner of your mind and remember happier times.”

“Hope is as essential to the soul as oxygen is to the body.”

“The stars shine brightest in the darkest night.”

“Treat your memories like a movie reel: rewind and savor the good scenes; speed through those that caused you pain.”

“Step by gentle step, you can overcome the greatest sorrow.”

“If life hands you a bitter pill, it may turn out to be the very medicine that will make you strong.”

“We do not remember days, we remember moments.”

“She takes my hand and leads me along paths I would not have dared explore alone.”

“No winter lasts forever, no spring skips its turn.”

“But you be strong and do not lose courage for there is reward for your work.”

“We cannot tell what may happen to us in the strange medley of life. But we can decide what happens in us, how we take it, what we do with it — and that is what really counts in the end.”

“We all need each other.”

“The supreme happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved.”

“When love beckons you, follow him though his ways are hard and steep.”

“Love doesn’t make the world go around. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile.”

Disclaimer Ok, it has been brought to my attention that I left Clay Aiken and Mark out of the shoutouts. My apologies to both.

Mark: Long time no talk. How are you? You haven't blogged in a while so I am assuming you must be busy. Have a good week!

Clay Aiken: I feel stupid writing this because you are not actually reading my blog, it is my dorky friends pretending to be you!!! lol, anyway, Love your music. :) Later.


Now onto some real blog-erish stuff (cool "lindsay-ism" huh!?!?!?)

Alright,
I WANNA CHANGE THE WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I really really wanna make a difference. I wanna cure cancer and AIDS, and I wanna make everybody happy and healthy. I know, it sounds stupid, but I do. I can't help it. I have this pathetic idea that I might actually be capable of doing something worthwhile in this life.
Sorry, I had to get that out of my system.

I LOVE HEALTH! Ms. Talley has a really cool system for how to structure class. We do 4 weeks of seat-work and learning, then we play sports or something of the like for two weeks. Last week we played Ultimate Frisbee for 4 days!!!! I ran and jumped in all the mud puddles (Ms. Atkinson is the one who can vouch that I love to do that ;) ) and I slid and dove to catch the frisbee. Most of the girls just stood in the middle of the field and talked. What's up with dat????? Anyway, this week is gonna rock my socks off! (We're PLAYING SOCCER!!!!!) It doesn't get much better than this!

Later days

It is way time to do some shout outs, here goes. . . [Note: I do not know who all reads this, so I am making assumptions, so if I miss your name, let me know in the chatter box or somethin'!)

Bernie: Hey girl! Long time NO SEE! I am glad you are reading this. I miss eighth grade with you so much! Remember "beeeeker" and "alTso?" Do you remember "turtle lady?" Haha. THat was an awesome year! We def need to have a lunch bunch reunion soon!

Laura: I know you remember "beeeeker" and turtle lady and "alTso!" I am glad you came to RCHS! I like having class with you :), and the way Mr. Grunden does tests ROCKS! I am not so sure about math. . . lol.

Lucas: I am very surprised you take the time to read this lol. I like your blog, very good job on it. Isn't English a blast!?!?!?!? lol. UGH! I miss all of the debates you and Will and Andrew had in World Civ last year. I guess that's what I get for taking something instead of GOPO, huh?

Josh: Remember: Follow your heart, it will never lead you astray. And be honest, forever with yourself and others, they will like you all the more because of it. It has been great getting to know you this year, and I hope we can continue that!

Cameron: My lil sis! (lol, to all of the rest of you, she's not really, but we act like it cause I am always giving her big-sisterly advice!). Keep your head up, and don't let other people push you around, and if they do, "turn the other cheek." DO NOT push back!!!! You are incredible, so keep it up! All my love, Your big sis!

Elizabeth #1 and #2: Health is AWESOME this year, guys! I really enjoyed throwing the frisbee with yall! You guys are so funny and always make me smile! Thanks for being such awesome friends!

Nicole: OMG. It feels like an eternity since I last saw you. You know how awesome I think you are, and thanks for everything you've done for me. You have no idea how much it means to me. All my love!

Ms. Atkinson/Coach K: Long time no see! I miss you tons, and keep updating your blog, because I do read it, and I hate it went you haven't posted in a while. Hope everything in Kellyland is splendid! And . . .KILL THE HILLS!

It is like way early in the morning, but I feel I should give you guys an update on Jennie, (at least, I know that Colbern wants to know---lol) Alright, she is in the hospital and they have NO idea what is causing her lack of breathing ability. It could be lung cancer, emphezema (sp?), allergies, wheat inhalation, and a whole bunch of other weird things that I can't describe. My mom and I (my sister is living elsewhere at this time, a place that I want to go) visit Jennie twice a day, and she is on 5 liters of O2. They are doing a biopsy tomorrow, to rule out cancer. The doctors are not thinking it is life-threatening but they don't like the fact that she can't go for 15 minutes with out her oxygen tubes. She has that thingy that hooks into your nose, and she can hardly talk because it uses up so much oxygen. But, yes, Colbern, (thanks for asking), Jennie, they said, will be fine, but we aren't sure what she has yet. They are also looking at the possibility of TB, pneumonia, and one other common coughing thingy, but they have ruled out TB. Pneumonia is still a possibility, but this has been going on since May (having trouble with the respiratory system), and my personal opinion, considering that she has been to various doctors at least 10 times since then, is that SOMEONE would have found pneumonia by now. Anyways, I gotta get to bed.
My weekend was nothing worth writing about, but school starts again tomorrow, which is good, I HOPE.
All my love to everyone. Smile.

"No llores porque ya terminando; Sonries porque aconteció."

"Pas le cri parce que c'est par-dessus; le sourire parce qu'il est arrivé."

"Weinen Sie nicht, weil es über ist; Lächeln, weil es geschehen ist."

Anyone recognize this quote? ;)

Later days.

Hmmmm. . . I am not quite sure what to write. . .

Ok, well the last few days have been, well. . . let's just say, Interesting.
I'll start with Wednesday: Nothing exciting. Doctor's appointment, at which I found out some very, well scary things, but not necessarily about Me, in particular. Anyways, then I had dance. . .LOOOOONNNNNGGGG three hours, to put it mildly! First, tap. (UGH, but fun nonetheless). Then I had clogging. We are going to compete at the State Fair, so all you lovely people need to come watch! (and if you are not a "lovely" person, then, well, come anyway!!!!!!) Then, I had modern, which was long and tiring. But totally worth it.
Thursday was my first day back at Cross Country after my foot injury. We had an easy day, or at least everyone else had an easy day. I hurt my foot because I guess I restarted running too early. Anyways, what we did was we ran from school to Fletcher Park, and I somehow ended up running by myself between the guys and the girls. The guys were running at a fairly fast pace, and for some reason my adrenaline was pumping and I started running with them. However, I did not realize that we were WAY ahead of the girls. After a while, I fell back a little, but still couldn't see the girls, which is fine except that I didn't know where Fletcher was. I had a pretty good idea but I wasn't sure, and downtown Raleigh, as a fifteen year old girl, ALONE, is NOT a smart idea in any way shape or form. My foot hurt most of the way there, but I attributed the immense pain to the lack of running in three weeks, but while we played Ultimate Frisbee, I realized that it was more than just soreness. Jordan told me I should sit down and rest my foot, so I complied. A few minutes later, he came over and asked how I planned to get back to the school. "Run," I said. He shook his head and said, "Uh. . .No, I don't think soooooo." Then he told me that he and dane would run back and get his car and drive back and pick me up. I told him that it was ok, and that he should keep playing, and that my foot didn't hurt that much, but he declined. "Nope, I am gonna run and get my car. I'll be back in a few minutes." I was quite flattered, because he gave up playing a frisbee game to run back to school, get his car, and drive ME back to school, so I wouldn't hurt my foot. I must say that it was a kind gesture, one of complete selflessness. We need more people in the world who are unconcerned about their wants and needs, and instead give without an expectation of anything in return. Then I was off to gymnastics, yes I know I shouldn't have done it on my foot, but we have competitions soon, and I needed to practice, so after two hours of dive rolls, carwheels, hand stands, hand stand rolls, hand stand pushups, back walk overs, back hand springs and roundoffs, I finally got to go home and rest. I desperately needed rest because I have been feeling really weak the last few days/week. It's like my whole body is deprived of something and thus cannot produce energy, and it is making everything hard. It's hard to pick stuff up, to walk, etc, but I suppose life goes on. I just feel weak though, and I wonder if something my body needs is missing. . .oh well.
Today was Flex Day at school, and I did an activity called "Great Disasters" where we built a bridge out of 120 popsicle sticks and glue ( no offense to the teachers, but this is the OLDEST activity in the history of schools!!!!!) My second activity was in chemistry. We did QUALITATIVE ANALYSIS, which I found spectacularly fun. :) I really enjoyed it! I also learned a few things from observations of other people:
1. Baking soda makes black material look weird, and I mean weird.
2. Communication is the key to anything in the scientific field; and when I say "communication" I do NOT mean something like some of the things I heard today like, "Wanna take dis outside, b****?" [Oh, and yes, that was said to me, by someone who had no reason to say it, but hey, it's only words, RIGHT!?]
3. Iodine is reddish. It can TURN blue. The blue solution in the container is NOT iodine. It is bermythymal (sp?) blue, NOT IODINE. I repeat: NOT IODINE!!!! They do not do the same things!
4. If you ask Mr. Grant a question, he will give you one of two answers: a)something stupid and unrelated or b)this "I defer all questions to the athletic director." However, If you ask Mr. Grunden a question, you get a full-out, involved, very clear, answer. Lol. [I am not taking sides here. They are both awesome, in their own ways!]
5. The rubber connector on the faucet is NOT (and I mean NOT) there so that you can stick it inside a test tube and turn the water on high power.
6. If you try hard, and put them in the right places, you can fit 6 pairs of goggles on your head (and I am not talking about putting them one on top of the other, I mean, spreading them out on your head.)

That was the extent of my day! I ate lunch alone, but that's ok, I got to do some writing, which is always good.
Also, Jennie, my mom's friend is in the hospital because her oxygen level is too low (it should be like 95, but her's is 80 or something low like that.)
Well, I gots to go, but have a super week, everyone. Smile. :)