AN AMAZING WEEKEND

I had the blessing and privilege of going on an InterVarsity retreat to Garden City (the beach!) South Carolina this past weekend. I'm going to try to do the weekend justice but I can't promise you'll completely understand the amazing experience I had.
It's funny, you go on a retreat expecting to learn a few things, maybe make a few friends, but what I never saw coming was a sense of community unlike any other.
Saturday night, especially, changed my life. Karen Gupton, IV Staff Leader at UNCG, talked about the healing of the paralytic. A quick synopsis of the story: Jesus was surrounded by people, so much so that four friends, who were carrying a fifth on a mat because he was paralyzed, could not access him, except by lowering their friend through the roof. Karen said to us, sometimes you have to let yourself be the friend who is lowered through the roof to Jesus, to be healed. And sometimes you get the privilege of carrying others to Jesus in their brokenness.
Then we broke into small groups of 15-20, (there were ninety of so people on the retreat) and we were also split up by gender. We then were encouraged to share things we were struggling with in life, whether it was a relationship, our Christian walk, school, family, or whatever. After one person would share, we would all lay hands on that person and pray for them as a group. What amazed me was the way that everyone was crying. Person A would share something she was struggling with and everyone, whether they were really close to Person A or had just met her, would be weeping for her, sharing in her pain. It was amazing the sense of community that we experienced that night. I have always had people in my life who loved and cared about me, but so often we get caught up in our own lives and our own worries, that we might not get further than "How's it going?" "Busy." "Me too." "Later." "Take Care." But Saturday night, my heart broke for my friends, my acquaintances, my sisters in Christ. My tears were for them. My sobs were because they were hurting and it hurt me to see them hurt. It was an amazing feeling, that I can hardly explain.
That's our group picture above.

The Best Weekend EVER!

We left mid Friday afternoon, in various cars, not really caravaning, though. I was riding with Amanda #3, Ann and Kelcy. Kelcy and I were in the back, signing, singing, whatever. Ann and Amanda were in the front, Amanda driving, Ann giving directions. One thing they realized very quickly, though, is that I go to the bathroom a lot. A LOT. Anyone who has ever ridden in a car with me for any length of time can attest to this, and Ann, Amanda and Kelcy certainly can after this weekend.
We stopped at Burger King with Mary, Emily and Holly for dinner. Quick, but good. (I realized I haven't eaten Burger King in a LONG time...)
We finally arrived in Garden City, SC around 9pm. It was dark and a lot of the IV kids had already arrived and claimed beds. Kelcy, Amanda #2 and I claimed beds quickly after arriving. Amanda and I slept on neighboring bottom bunks, and Kelcy got the bed above mine.
Worship and our first talk started at 10pm. We sung and then Bobbi gave a quick talk. We broke into small groups...mine was John (C-H Alum), Slav (GCC), Rachel (UNCG), Lee (UNCG), and Brittney (UNCG).
After small group time, we broke off and headed out to play. Kelcy, Liz, Summer, Brandon, Amanda #2 and I played Encore for thirty minutes or so and then headed to our respective bunks to get ready for bed. At 1am sharp, Karen Gupton, IV Staff Leader at UNCG, came to each room and personally turned off the lights, but not before saying goodnight!

The next morning, breakfast was at 9am, followed by worship, another talk, devotional/quiet time, and then small group time. Then we ate lunch. After lunch we had free-time until 6pm. I slept and played Settlers of Catan (THE BEST GAME EVER!!!!) with Bobbi, Karen, Katie, David, and Kenny. I lost terribly, but it was really fun.

Dinner was at 6pm...this was an experience. We were told to eat with our small groups...and what Karen meant by that is...We're going to give y'all yarn and you have to tie your wrists together, so that you are basically in a circle...each person tied to two other people, one on each wrist. And then you had to try to eat. It wasn't too hard until people in my group, myself included, needed more drink or more food, which meant that our circle had to move through the dining hall, to the counter and serve the food or pour drinks...try doing that, while holding the cup or plate, with your wrists tied together.

Then we had worship and another talk, this one given by Karen. She talked about Christian community. And then I experienced on of the most amazing examples of Christian community ever...we broke off into groups of all girls or all boys, groups of maybe 15-20 (there were probably 90 students on this retreat). Then people talked about what they struggled with-- be it a relationship that they couldn't get out of, a friend who was going wild in college, or something like that-- and after one person said something, we would pray as a group for that person. What amazed me more than that was the fact that everyone was crying for everyone else. Everyone's heart was breaking for someone else. People who had just met were moved to tears at the pain of their new friends. People who had known each other a week or two were weeping with each other, because the pain was shared...not that everyone understod what each person had been through, but pain is universal and the fact that we can share with each other, cry with each other, shoulder the burden with each other, opened my eyes to a real kind of Christian community. It wasn't about forming a deep, long relationship and then opening up. It was about being willing to be vulnerable and allow others to love on you and care about you and cry with you. It was truly amazing. The experience is something that I can try to describe but that must truly be lived through to fully grasp how powerful, amazing and moving it is.

Then we played more games and ate ice cream. More Settlers of Catan!!! We had breakfast, one last talk, worship and small groups the next morning before cleaning, taking a group photo, and partaking in a tradition before we left...I cannot accurately describe the tradition, but it was more/less a participatory song that you run around and dance crazily during.

Then we drove back. And life resumed, but I am changed...so maybe life is only continuing, and there is no resuming, just a continuation with a newness inside of me that I can share with others now.

Photos to come, I promise!

On Being Alive

So I was having a conversation with someone online and it really made me think... here's a snippet...

Them: What did you do today?
Me: classes, nap, small group
Me: Nothing exciting
Them: what qualifies as exciting these days?
Me: hmmm...i don't know.
Them: isn't being alive excting enough?


And I realized, with the sky a brilliant blue and the leaves just beginning their yearly color change, and the air a crisp but not cold wind-blown feel, that it is enough. It is enough. There's a song I really like, a country song nonetheless, that I'll post some of the lyrics from:
It's a great day to be alive,
I know the sun's still shinin' when I close my eyes.
There's some hard times in the neighborhood,
But why can't every day be just this good?

I think that regardless of the troubles we see every day, or the hardships we experience, each day is what we make of it. If it's a gorgeous day, great. If it rains, that's okay too. The laughter, the fun, the small successes, the budding friendships, the hope, the love, the ocassional decent food in the cafeteria, and we realize that the small things make life exciting, vibrant and wonderful.

Quick Update

So I started tutoring at an elementary school this week. We work with more than fifty kids and help with homework, play games and eat snacks. Then they get driven home. I had K-2 this week, which is the current age group I'd like to work with for a career. I absolutely fell in love with the kids and it really confirmed my belief that my major change was the right move.

I'm heading to the Garden City, S.C. on Friday with InterVarsity for a retreat. I am very excited because it will be a wonderful opportunity to fellowship, grow and take a break from college life to truly basque in God's love. I'll try to post the pictures from the retreat after we get back.

In a little over two weeks, I have fall break! So from October 6-1o, I'll be at home. There'll be tons to do though. I will head back to the high school to visit, get my hair cut, have a yard sale, go shopping, and rest. Hopefully, I will also get to hang out with friends and have some quality time with family, because I miss everyone so much when I'm here.

I lead a class discussion tomorrow on a book (Waiting for the Barbarians) in my Human Rights class. Next Wednesday I have to make a class presentation (in Spanish) on Chile in my Spanish class. VERY NERVOUS.

The Major

So, I'm changing my major. Actually, I haven't declared a major yet (you do that second semester of sophomore year...), so I guess the correct phrase is: I'm changing my mind. I'm not sure that I'm meant to teach high-school history...Don't get me wrong, I love history. I've always known that I wanted to teach, at least for a few years, but it was just a matter of what grade, and what subject. Somewhere in highschool I decided to be a history teacher because my history teachers were the ones who taught me to love history and made me passionate about it. (Or maybe I was always passionate, and they just opened me up enough to discover that about myself). Their passion, certainly, was contagious. I can actually say that about most, if not all, of my teachers in high school, regardless of subject. And there was something about the history classes and the teachers that made me want to go to class, made me want to do my homework, made me want to learn more, read more. And maybe I'm a dork, or maybe there really was something unique about their classes. I'm pretty sure which one it was, but regardless of which you believe, I decided I wanted to teach history. I decided that if you're passoinate about a subject and you're enthusiastic, you ought to at least teach for a few years.

But I also realized that I was doing this on the assumption that I could teach at MY high school. I wanted to be in the environment where it was expected that students wanted to be there, where citizenship and a rigorous academic curriculum were the norms. Any old high school, I realized the other night in the shower, simply wouldn't do. And I can't build my life on "Assuming this happens..." or "I'll do ____ if _____." And I certainly am not going to spend four years of my education assuming I'll get my first choice in teaching environments.

So that is to say, that I know for a fact that I love younger kids, know that I can impact their lives, and interrupt a cycle of a failing system before it's too late...So, I have decided to switch to Elementary Education (with possible concentrations in: Spanish, Psychology, Dance or History.) Nothing is of course set in stone; it hasn't been ever, because you can't declare a major yet. But I'm feeling more and more comfortable with this "decision." I woke up this morning feeling different, like I wasn't reaching for something that might or might not happen. So, that's the long way of saying that I went from a History major with a license in social studies education (and a minor in Spanish), to an Elementary Education major with an undecided concentration and still possibly a minor.

It Rains...A LOT

There's something about Greensboro that makes me want to rename it-- Grayboro or Rainyboro or something of the sort. Seems every day it's rained, drizzled, poured or just been overcast. It's kinda depressing actually, though I was excited today when my rainboots got shipped in. Now, I don't go to class with pants that are soaked from the cuffs to my knees. So I kinda clunk around school in these boots, looking like a Jedi Knight, with my brown pants tucked into the boots. But I stay dry-- between my parka without a hood, my LA ball cap, my umbrella (which is rainbow and makes me happy!) and my new boots, I'm all set for the 3/4 mile trek three or more times a day to and from class and to the cafeteria.

I'm reading this really good book called Kite Runner for class. I HIGHLY recommend it.

That's about all to report in Rain-land. I do have a new addiction--- applesauce. I've gone through phases the last few years where I get super addicted to applesauce for a while, and I'm back in that phase again!!!

I finished two papers this week-- one on my theory of the university education and the other on the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I'm glad to have them finished. I have to presentations to worry about now-- one on Chile and one on a book the class is reading, that I must lead a discussion for. BOO. Actually, I've read the book before, so I'm not too worried about that. My presentation on Chile, however, has to be in Spanish so I'm a little worried about how that'll go. But I'll stress about that later. For now, Today's worries are enough for today.

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. -Matthew 6:34

All I Need to Know About Life I Learned At College

1. Showering at any time night or day is perfectly acceptable, no questions asked.
2. There is always something going on on-campus, even if you wish it wasn't that.
3. Just because you think you are entitled to have a life outside of school-work doesn't mean your professors agree.
4. Facebook, cell phones and IM are essentially vital to having any sort of social life.
5. The food in the cafeteria is what you make of it, but stay away from the vegetables at all costs.
6. Having a pet fish in your room does NOT mean you will stop missing your dogs and cats at home.
7. You only need to wait fifteen minutes after the start-time of a class for the professor to show up. Then you can leave.
8. Follow the older kids on campus when they cross the street. They know when it's okay and when it's not. Besides, if there are a handful of you walking, chances are the cars aren't going to run you over.
9. Playing Settlers of Kahtan until 1am on Friday nights is like the best use of time, ever.
10. A 95 on a paper is O.K. It's nothing to stress over.
11. Sleep whenever possible.
12. Use your time wisely. Got five minutes until your next class and you can't fit a powernap in? Good, do some reading or some homework.
13. Don't use shorthand in your notes unless you're sure you'll still know what it means in two days.
14. Take laundry home when you go.


yep. I love college.

A Wonderful Weekend

I went home this weekend for Labor Day...I never imagined it'd be so hard to come back. Don't get me wrong, I love Greensboro, but I just had a really, really awesome time at home.

Friday I wasn't feeling well, but Mom and I had time to just hang around the house.
Saturday we got up and had lunch with one of mom's friends and then went to see her other friend's new baby (now officially 7 days old!!) She's absolutely precious.

Then Mom and I went shopping, which was fun quality time, even though I don't think we ended up buying anything. Haha.

Sunday I got to go to church and see a lot of my friends!!! And Sunday night I got to go to Raleighwood with Ben to see The DaVinci Code. I'd already seen it, but I did pick up on a lot more this time. That was fun too...to hang out with Ben and go to a movie.
Today, on my way back to Greensboro, I picked my sister up at my dad's house and we went and had Chinese together. We've never spent much quality time together, but today was wonderful. I cried after I dropped her off. She's growing up...and changing and I'm not around to see it, which breaks my heart. But it certainly makes me a lot more grateful for the times I do get to see her...(even if she is planning to turn my ENTIRE room into a home theater...grrrrr.)

Spartan-land Update

So, there's not a whole lot to write about here in Spartan-land. Amanda #2 and I climbed the rock wall, which was a blast. I went to a luau with InterVarsity, and at every club meeting or function I feel more and more like I belong. There are days when I feel like I've known these people all my life.
Everyone on campus is sick with a sore-throat. So I've been putting on hand-sanitizer and washing my hands like it's my job.
I have officially learned the value of power-napping in college. I have about an hour between classes, but my dorm is about 3/4 of a mile from the buildings where my classes are. So it takes me about 8-10 minutes to walk back to my dorm. At that point, I have exactly one hour until my next class starts. I can then sleep for about 30-35 minutes and then power-walk back to the buildings where my classes are. It's nice to get that extra exercise and the naps, however short, are refreshing.
One thing I've noticed about a lot of the people in campus ministries is that they are completely welcoming of me and others. They are eager to have lunch with us, hang out, talk online, or just call to see how I'm doing. It continues to amaze me how welcome I feel when Tiffany and Brandon stop me in the cafeteria and have a 10 minute conversation with me, just because. Or when someone says hi to me as I'm walking to class or when someone asks if I want to have lunch with them...I guess I had assumed that they would welcome me when I was at meetings, but beyond that their "job" would be "done." But it isn't and it isn't a job to them. It's really nice to feel like people know you, care about you and want to hang out with you.

The next step is to get a job so that I have something to do with myself on Tuesday, Thursday and Friday afternoons.

Mondays I thought would be the long days, and they are, but they are certainly nothing compared to high school. In high school, I went to classes from 9am-2:40pm with a 25 minute break for lunch (I know I shouldn't complain, because most kids start hs at 7:30am...). But here, I have class from 9-9:50, then a break until 11. Then class from 11-11:50, then a break for lunch. Then I have class from 1-1:50 and a ten minute break until my other class from 2-3:15pm. That schedule happens on Mondays and Wednesdays. Then I usually have some downtime in my dormroom until later that evening--- every other Monday I have another class from 6-8pm, and on Wednesdays I have InterVarsity small group from 7-9pm. I'm busy but I love it. I would like for my day to start later than 9am, but other than that I really, really love my schedule. And thus far, my classes are going well.

And the work load? As of the third week, it's still easier than high school. We'll see if that lasts, though!!!!


I hope you never look back, but you never forget
All the ones who loved you in the place you left.
I hope you always forgive and you never regret
And you help somebody every chance you get.
Oh, and you find God's grace in every mistake,
And always give more than you take.
But more than anything, yeah more than anything...
My wish for you,
Is that this life becomes all that you want it to.
Your dreams stay big,
Your worries stay small.
You never need to carry more than you can hold.
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you,
And wants the same things too...
Yeah, this is my wish.

This week has certainly been fun. We had a pink-eye scare earlier in the week, when I kept waking up unable to open my eyes because of the crud that had accumulated overnight. But my eyes never turned pink, so ultimately I decided it was simply allergies. Then there came another problem, I kept getting dizzy and I fell a few times, as a result. This scared my mom like crazy, but I continued to deny it was a problem, and eventually the dizziness and consequently, the falls, subsided after about two days.
My classes are going well. I found out in Spanish, after my first quiz of the year, that when a quiz is over, you simply leave. There is no bell to dismiss you after the full fifty minutes. It was kinda fun--- to get to leave class as soon as I finished my work.
I got to play volleyball with one of the campus ministries here at UNCG last night, which was fun. There were a lot of bugs and the sand we played in was nasty mixed with sweat, but it was a great time nonetheless. And my team didn't seem to care when my serves failed miserably or when I hit the ball in the wrong direction.

There's a song by Carrie Underwood that has lyrics that I really like, especially at this point in my life, and I wanted to put a few up here:
"And just like every Sunday,
I called Mama up last night
And even when it's not,
I tell her everything's alright.
....
Yeah I still feel like
I'm where I'm supposed to be
But don't forget
To remember me."

Ever wonder...

Do you ever wonder...
-What the world looks like to an ant? A giraffe?
-Why certain songs get stuck in your head?
-Who decided we should bathe, wear deodorant, etc?
-Why we buy pens and then have to buy white-out...pencils have the whole writing, eraser thing in one package!!!???
-What your first thought was when you were born?
-Why smell is connected to memory?
-What the future holds?
-Why women like to grow their hair and shave their legs, and men like to have shorter hair (gross generalization) but don't shave their legs or their faces?
-Why you can hardly taste food when you plug your nose?
-If you can, in fact, actually, truly make a difference in the world?
-How long you could go without sleeping and still function normally?
-If an ocean wave ever falls in the same place more than once?
-Who decided that green would mean "go" and red would mean "stop"?
-Why we sometimes have the sudden urge to get up and dance?
-Who you'd be if you weren't you?
-Why liquids go up the nasal passage when we laugh?
-If people's expectations, criticisms and labels of you greatly or minimally affect who you become?
-What makes us feel sad about some things and happy about others?
-If there really is one right person for you out there?
-What it would feel like to fall passionately, deeply, madly, hopelessly in love?

Still Adjusting, but Loving It!

Last night proved to be the most challenging so far...and it had nothing to do with UNC-G at all. It was hard for me because Thursday nights are basketball nights at church during the summer. And it wasn't that I needed to be there, or even really wanted to be there (though I admit that I did kinda want to be there), but I am used to being there. So for whatever reason I struggled all day with this nagging desire to go back to Chapel Hill, just because that's what I do on Thursday nights. This sounds stupid to many of you, I'm sure. And I'll admit it's odd. But it's a lot like how I felt the day after the last day of school--- I had an urge the next morning at 7am to get up and get ready for school. I didn't want to be back in class doing gobs of work, but I think for many people there is some comfort to be taken in a routine. But I allowed the time yesterday evening to pass without going and getting in my car...and I went to InterVarsity at 7pm. I had a wonderful time and met a really awesome girl named Amanda from Roanoke Rapids. She and I instantly bonded and hung out for a good hour or so after IV was over. We talked about guys (with some giggling involved), and college, and classes, and our homes, and our families, our roommates, our churches, our youth leaders, and also we talked a lot about how difficult we're finding it to be to meet people that you think you can have a meaningful friendship with. Needless to say, we found each other's company to be just what we needed as we near the end of our first week at college.
About my comment on meaningful relationships...I guess that sounded kinda haughty of me...to say that it was hard to meet people I wanted to have a meaningful relationship with...and that's not how I meant it at all. The truth is that I've met people here that I am more than happy to be friends with and that I will socialize with, but as far as really being able to talk to them about deep, important (to me), hard stuff, I'm not sure I've met those kinds of people yet. Amanda is definitely one of those people, though, and I think we're going to become great friends. She is going home this weekend, (so it's tempting for me to drive toward my home too...but I'm resisting the urge...I'm still trying to spread my wings and I don't need to let them rest just yet), so I'm on my own for the weekend, but that's okay. There's plenty of work to do and plenty of rest to catch up on.
I guess that's about it...
Well, actually, for those of you who don't know, I had to drop one of my classes...Actually, I didn't have to, but the teacher thought it was probably going to be over my head as a freshman. And, whether she's right or not, I think that I've got enough difficult classes and curriculum and there are seven more semesters to take that class...so I dropped Sexuality in Historical Perspective and added Religion and Contemporary Culture, which, after only one day, seems like it'll be interesting enough.

So my weeks now look like this:
Monday:
9-9:50am (20th Century World)
11-11:50am (Spanish)
1-1:50pm (American Politics)
2-3:15pm (Reli. and Cont. Culture)
6-8pm (Honors Pro-Sem)

Tuesday:
11-12:15pm (Int'l Human Rts)

Wednesday:
9-9:50am (20th Century World)
11-11:50am (Spanish)
1-1:50pm (American Politics)
2-3:15pm (Reli. and Cont. Culture)

Thursday:
11-12:15pm (Int'l Human Rts)

Friday:
9-9:50am (20th Century World)
11-11:50am (Spanish)
1-1:50pm (American Politics)

Yes, if it looks like my MWF classes get fewer and fewer as the weeks progress, you're right. Monday is my busiest day with five classes, and Fridays I only have three...Wednesdays I have 4 and T-Th I only have one...It's actually not a bad schedule! :)

I guess that's about it.

So this is what they were talking about...

I think I realized today what everyone's been talking about...College--- It's wonderful. I mean, yeah there are hard things about it, like the noise and some of the people, but I realized today that I love it. I really do.

I got up this morning at 8:15, took 15 minutes to get ready and then I headed to my nine o'clock class. My classes are all about 3/4 of a mile from my dorm, which is fine. I don't mind the walk, but I just have to be sure to allow for time to get there.
My first class, at 9, was The World in the Twentieth Century. Mind you, I've already taken a class called 20th Century Topics, and from the syllabus, I don't think this class is going to be a problem for me. I really like the professor, from what I saw today.

Then I had an hour to kill before my Spanish class--- not quite enough time to go back to the dorm and piddle around, so I just went to the cafeteria and got a quick breakfast and then I went to the library and hung around.

At 11am, I had Spanish. Turns out I'm the only freshman in the class, so that was a little intimidating at first, but again, I really like the professor, and from the levels it seems that everyone else is at, this class isn't going to be a problem either.

Then it was noon and I was a little hungry, but not much, so I headed to the cafeteria, because again I had one hour before my next class. I was just reading my Spanish homework and nibbling on some lunch when this girl came up to me and asked if I wanted to come eat with her and her friend. I was like, Okay, why not? So, I have two awesome new friends: Cody and Anna. They are sooo much fun to be around. I think we spent thirty minutes laughing about everything and nothing. I'm so glad I met them.

Then I had American Politics. The professor is awesome, again. (Wow, this is lucky, for sure), and he's pretty funny too. This class I can't judge the difficulty of because I don't have anything to base it off of, and I haven't really looked at the books that carefully yet-- but these books are textbooks, as opposed to the books for 20th C., which are novels, autobiographies and such.


All I gotta say is: I LOVE LOVE LOVE COLLEGE... and LIFE IS GOOD.

Well it's my first real day here at UNC-G. We had a service project this morning, and then Amanda, Kaitlin and I have mostly been just hanging around campus. I think all this down time will suddenly vanish once classes start, but that's okay with me. In fact, I'm in my dorm right now, alone, while Amanda goes to the tech center, and I can't figure out what in the world to do with myself.

There was a dance last night for freshmen, but not many people showed up. Amanda and I, and our two new friends Christina and Kaitlin, were the first four out on the floor...I had a blast and I'm really glad I went, because it gave me the opportunity to meet new people and really realize that campus life can be fun.

I guess that's about all I have to write about. The hardest thing for me so far is remembering to take my keys when I walk down the hall to the bathroom. Haha.

I moved in to the dorms today. I really think I'm going to like college, though I suppose it's hard to tell after only ten hours or so. So far it feels like a mix between camp and middle school, though that's hard to say too because I never did go to an overnight camp. My dorm room is perfect...it's not nearly as small as I thought it would be, or at least it doesn't feel that way. I've started tacking pictures (like at least 500) up all over my walls (Kudos to Emma for modeling this idea for me in her room...) and the desk fits all my books and supplies nicely. The bed is a little higher than I'd probably like, but the nice thing is that it (at 3 feet off the ground) can store not only my suitcase, but also two chests of drawers.

I only slept for about an hour total last night, mostly because I was so excited. So today, after driving my car up here, and organizing, unpacking, rearranging, shopping, eating and talking and just being around my parents, Jennie and Sherby, I was a little overwhelmed and overstimulated. I was, however, a little nervous about how I would handle it when the time came for everyone to leave, but it turned out that I was fine.

Dinner was a little crazy because they gathered all the freshmen together, or at least all those who showed up, to eat with our counselor/leader people from orientation. We didn't actually get to eat with our groups, though. Everyone could just eat with whomever they wanted. Okay, so being tired, a little unsure, and not entirely confident, I ate alone. I am happy here, comfortable and loving each passing moment, but I'm still, in some ways, the person I was at home-- a little unsure of how to just butt into a group of people who are already eating together, who clearly know each other, etc. I'm sure there were other people in my same boat, but I honestly didn't have the energy to find them. Oh well. I've got nine months of freshman year to figure out how to do that, and I have a feeling it will get much easier with time, especially when I'm not tired and overwhelmed and overstimulated. haha.

So, I also wanted to post what I remember of some funny conversations I've had recently. They make me laugh anytime I think about them.

"So, are you all done packing?"
"Yeah, mostly. I've got a few more clothes to pack, but I'm almost done. I packed all my favorite books and picture albums."
"You're such a girl. Us guys, we just pack a few pairs of clothes and the playstation."
"Was playstation around when you were in college?"


"You're the only person I know who laughs while biting into her burrito."


"You've got issues."
"I know, but I love'm."
"Yeah, I'm kinda partial to mine too."


"I'm going to go home and comfort my dog. She's probably a little weirded out by that girl who kept telling her she was cute."

Okay, I'm posting the lyrics to my favorite song from my favorite childhood movie "I have confidence" from The Sound of Music with Julie Andrews. I think this song is really fitting for this week. I boldfaced the lines that I particularly like.

What will this day be like? I wonder.
What will my future be? I wonder.
It could be so exciting to be out in the world, to be free
My heart should be wildly rejoicing
Oh, what's the matter with me?

I've always longed for adventure
To do the things I've never dared
And here I'm facing adventure
Then why am I so scared?

Oh, I must stop these doubts, all these worries
If I don't I just know I'll turn back
I must dream of the things I am seeking
I am seeking the courage I lack

The courage to serve them with reliance
Face my mistakes without defiance
Show them I'm worthy
And while I show them I'll show me
So, let them bring on all their problems
I'll do better than my best
I have confidence they'll put me to the test
But I'll make them see
I have confidence in me
Somehow I will impress them
I will be firm but kind
And all those children
They will look up to me
And mind me
With each step I am more certain
Everything will turn out fine
I have confidence the world can all be mine
They'll have to agree
I have confidence in me

I have confidence in sunshine
I have confidence in rain
I have confidence that spring will come again

Besides which you see
I have confidence in me

Strength doesn't lie in numbers
Strength doesn't lie in wealth
Strength lies in nights of peaceful slumbers
When you wake up -- Wake Up!
It tells me all I trust I lead my heart to
All I trust becomes my own
I have confidence in confidence alone

I have confidence in confidence alone
Besides which you see
I have confidence in me!

3 DAYS! That's how many more days I have in Raleigh/Chapel Hill before I leave for Greensboro. I keep thinking that one morning I'm going to wake up and flip out, but I have yet to do so. The million little things that still have to get done aren't weighing me down; the idea of living on my own isn't a daunting task lying just ahead anymore; I'm excited about my classes and whatnot. The truth is, I'm not worried. And I thought I would be by this point. I'm not stressing out. And I thought I would be by this point. And for those of you who've traveled with me (L.A. and Costa Rica) or who know me really well, I FREAK/STRESS/WORRY about every little, itsy-bitsy, teeny, small, microscopic thing that could ever possibly happen.
But here I am, on Monday night, moving in on Friday and I'm not worried. This newfound, non-worrying Lindsay, (not so much non-worrying, because I still worry about inane stupid things) is beginning to worry me. Isn't that strange? I'm not worried about college and that's worrying me. Isn't that dumb? That I'm not stressing about a huge change in my life, and that's beginning to stress me out.

So, I was reminded Saturday night, sitting in the church parking lot, after 11pm, over Frosties from Wendy's, that the people I care about are always going to care about me. They're always going to love me. They're always going to be here for me. I'm not sure I ever doubted it, but it's always been in the back of my mind-- what happens when I leave? Will it be different to come back? Of course it will. But the people and the way we feel about each other aren't going to change. And that's really cool to know.

So, just one more thing before I call this post finished. I've always wondered because it always seems to be this way-- you really like a person. You don't think it's possible they could ever like you back. You don't know how to act around them or what to say. But nonetheless, you can't do anything else with your feelings because no matter how unrealistic, that fluttering in your heart when you see them doesn't just go away. Sometimes I wonder why in the world my heart has no handle on reality. It would be soooo much easier. :) It's funny that I should think of this, but I think the only to-be-taken-seriously quote in Talladega Nights was "The human heart is a mystery," or something to that effect, about how Ricky Bobby keeps on loving his father, even after so much let-down and disappointment from him.

I remembered something someone said to me one time and I wanted to blog about that tonight, because I think the concept is really important. My former track/cross country coach (from freshman year), and one of my many mentors and people I look up to said to me, regarding something I asked her about:
"It's a wonderful thing. Don't second guess it all the time."

It didn't hit me until I was thinking about it and reread it where I had written it down years ago, and after the mission trip and some conversations that I had then. It really makes me think now. Because I think a lot of people do that, I know I do-- this whole second-guessing of good things in your life. It's different than an unappreciation. It's almost this inability or unwillingness to believe that good stuff can happen to you, whether you think you don't deserve it, you're scared you'll screw it up down the road, or you're afraid to believe it's true for fear it either won't be or it will vanish. But I realized that if we're ever to find even a piece of happiness here on earth, we have to relish the good things and allow ourselves to revel in the feeling. It's scary; it's unnerving; it can even make you feel guilty, but I think it's healthy too. There ought to be a part of all of us that allows ourselves to believe, if only for a little while, that we deserve good things. We can handle having good things happen to us, and we can also accept and move on when the good things disappear. I also think that the whole moving on and letting go thing would be a lot easier if we allowed ourselves to fully appreciate and enjoy the good things while we have them, before they're gone. I don't know. Just something I was thinking about.

So...COLLEGE! It's hard to believe it's a week away. I still feel like I'm reeling from shock-- and I probably will be for at least a few minutes after my parents drive away from campus. But the honest-to-goodness truth is that my emotions are officially going haywire. When people ask me if I'm excited I always say yes. And I am. And when they ask if I'm nervous, I always say no. And I'm not--- at least I didn't think so. I mean, I'm not moving far away, as my parents have reminded me far too many times, and I can certainly come back on weekends, as they have also told me. They have however insisted on a month-long initiation period, where I am not allowed to drive to Chapel Hill or Raleigh for any reason-- not to hang out, not to see them, not to go to church, not to whatever...I'm not too worried, I don't guess. I am not worried about finding my way on campus; I'm not worried about the work load. I'm not worried about getting involved or making new friends. I'm not worried about adjusting to life in a dorm with a roommate. I'm not worried about foot fungus from the shower and I'm not worried about having to eat cafeteria food. I just worry about missing my friends-- people that I allowed myself to get close to. That's one thing about the L.A. trip that I didn't expect nearly as much-- I got A LOT closer to members of the team than I ever thought I would. It's frustrating to have to not be around them all the time now, but I guess if I was in school in Raleigh that wouldn't be happening but once or twice a week anyway. It's just a new feeling that I'm going to have to get used to-- this feeling of living away from the people that I've been around for years...


Okay, now on to exciting stuff. Here's my schedule:
The World in the 20th Century (M,W,F- 9am)
Spanish 301 (M,W,F- 11am)
American Politics (M,W,F- 1pm)
Honors College ProSeminar (M-6pm)
International Human Rights in Literature and Film (T, Th 11am)
Sexuality in Historical Perspective (T,Th 3pm)

Sooooo excited about that.

I guess that's about all for now. More later, I s'pose.

If this doesn't break your heart...I mean, I understand that the Chinese government is really afraid of rabies-- we all are. But there's something to be said for taking precautions in the first place and not jumping to conclusions...I would go insane if anyone ever grabbed my dogs' leashes out of my hand and then beat them to death or hurt them in any way.

FIDEL CASTRO, president of Cuba since 1959 has relenquished power and given it to his brother. He underwent surgery for gastrointestinal something and at that point he provisionally handed power of the state over to his brother, but according to MSNBC news, he has now fully relenquished his power as president.
The younger Castro is four years younger than his brother, who turned 80 recently. Once the Castro brothers are out of power, the United States is likely to lift it's trade embargo against Cuba.

I guess we'll see...

I took a bajillion pictures during our beach trip, but none of them will upload, so I'm going crazy trying to figure out what's wrong. But I'll try to sum up our beach trip without pictures.
We stayed at this condo place that actually reminded me some of the place the mission team stayed at Topsail. It was my mom, my sister, her two friends (Denise and Meghan) and me, which made for an interesting four days, to say the least.

They wanted to hang out-- or rather, lay out-- by the pool and make subtle eye contact with the lifeguards they thought were hot. Was there any flirting or gazing on my part? Sure, I'm eighteen, remember? But I was much more interested in either riding down a pretty cool water slide (though it couldn't compare to Carowinds) or walking on the beach. I have a thing about sitting-- er...lying-- still.

The most interesting day was, without a doubt, Friday, when we were scheduled to go to a reception that my mom's conference was having. We were all hanging around the condo, getting ready and watching TV when the lights, TV, AC and fridge went out. The sun was shining brightly outside. That is to say, there was no storm. Mom was asleep, so the three of them nominated me to go downstairs to the office and complain. Now, I'm a pretty good whiner/complainer, but I hate confrontation and complaining to people I don't know. I did go down, though, but just to ask if it was just our room or if it was the whole complex. It was the whole complex. Good to know we didn't blow a fuse with the three hair straighteners and dryers those girls had going. LOL. So, relieved, we pile into Mom's car and drive to the hotel where the reception is, glad that there'll be AC there. We're driving the five miles down the Island, only to find that the stoplights are out and the stores' lights are all off. Hmmm...so the reception gets cancelled because the ENTIRE ISLAND is without power. Apparently the two power companies that provide service got completely overwhelmed and went Capoot on us. Four hours and a trip off the island for dinner later, we were in the pool trying to stay cool when the lights came back on! Cheers went up throughout the complex as TVs, AC and lights came back on. Luckily, we didn't have to spend a night without AC, though after Cali, I think I woulda been just fine. :) It was reminiscent of the night in Durham/C-H when the lights went out-- that was 5 1/2 years ago. If I remember correctly, something at Duke Power exploded and the entire city was in darkness-- I was at a youth group function, making cards and getting ready to go sing at a nursing home. We ended up just eating pizza in one very dark church. Time for Sardines!!!! (it's a better game than it is a pizza topping...)

I took a few walks alone on the beach, thinking and pondering and just enjoying the ocean. I've always loved the ocean, for sure. And it reminded me of the Sunday morning during the mission trip retreat, when Carlye slept in while Eli and I went out on the porch to watch the sun rise. Having a ten-month-old in your arms, while you watch the sun rise over the ocean is one of the most exhilarating experiences I've ever had. Lee Ann Womack sung, "I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean..." and I am always reminded of that song, as well as Pslam 139: 14-18, which was especially moving to me when I was holding the baby that morning.

Here's the passage I'm referring to:

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake,
I am still with you.

Anyway, when I figure out about the pictures, there'll be more to post. We also went to play Putt-Putt, to see Fort Macon-- again!, and to the outlet mall in Selma-- quite an interesting story from there. :)

12 Days and Counting! :)

There's not a whole lot new to post about, but I figured I would write briefly about Carowinds adventures today!
I went to Carowinds with the youth group and a few youth staff members. The car rides were pretty awesome to begin with, but the theme park was even better. So, I went around the park with Emma, Lauren, and the three leaders: Ben, Locoya and Miranda. First they rode Borg, then Top Gun, then Thunder something-or-other. They had it in their heads for a while that I should ride a roller coaster-- yeah, not for me. So, then we decided to go to Boomerang Bay, the waterpark part of Carowinds. But Emma's swimsuit was in the car and Lauren and I hadn't even brought our suits so we bought boys' board shorts at this shop thingy and wore those to ride water rides in-- quite the experience. LOL. First we rode on Crocodile Run, which is basically lazy river, but the lifeguards would only let us go around once since there was such a long line. It was really fun even though I was stupid enough to use my knees for brakes on the bottom of the pool-- yeah, I'm feeling that stupidity now...We also went on Down Under Thunder, the Great Barrier Reef (the wave pool...) and Pipeline Peak, which is a series of four different slides, two with rafts and two without. The two without are probably comparable to Twin Twisters at Emerald Pointe, and I was really excited about going on them until we were almost to the top of the tower where you wait in line. I was getting pretty nervous, and then Emma and I decided to go down on the two separate ones at the same time. We get to the top, a few of our group were down at the bottom, a few were behind us, and then the lifeguard guy showed us how we had to cross our legs and put our hands behind our head. I curiously, but stupidly, asked if it was a big deal if your legs came uncrossed during the ride. The guy goes..."uh, well, you might break your leg," and I look at Emma nervously. She goes, "It's okay, he's just kidding." And the lifeguard guy pipes up that "No, actually, I'm not." Then I was really hesitant. But eventually I did go, and as Ben predicted, I got down to the bottom and wanted to go again, so Lauren and I did. :) (Reminiscent, for those of you who know about or were there, of the Extreme Retreat and repelling that weekend!) I guess that's about it.

NO! Wait! I forgot. So everyone was really convinced that I should go on at least one roller coaster, but for someone who doesn't like them, roller coasters can be pretty freaky. So Ben decides that Carolina Goldrusher is the ride for me. Of course, this is one of those roller coasters that you can't see the whole track like at all, so you have no idea what you're getting yourself into. But Ben assured me--- like a hundred times--- that this was a very low-key, easy ride. I think I was shaking when the ride started, and probably still begging to get off. Okay, turns out, and I admit this fully, that he was right. Goldrusher has a small dip that can't even be considered a drop, and it's top speed is 30mph. But, I was kinda still reeling from the shock and fear of being on a roller coaster at all when the ride ended so my enjoyment of the actualy moment may not have been to the fullest, but after I recuperated, I decided it had been lots of fun. But I want to say, so there is no confusion, Goldrusher isn't really a roller coaster. It's more like a train. But why get caught up in the specifics? I rode a roller coaster, people! :)

Okay, so I have this "brilliant beyond brilliant idea" (that's a quote from the Parent Trap, the one with Lindsay Lohan). No. That actually has nothing to do with my idea/my newest project. I mean, it's unlikely it'll ever come to anything or that I'll ever get around to doing it, but I thought it was a cool idea nonetheless.
So, Indonesia has fallen victim to two tsunamis in less than two years. We all remember well the December 26, 2004 event that ravaged southeast Asia, killing more than 200,000 people. There was another tsunami just days ago that killed more than 500 people, and more than 200 are still missing. Yes, that was a much smaller-scale tsunami, but it still claimed lives and I, for one, believe that those lives could have been saved.
MSN.com reported that "Indonesia has no nationwide tsunami warning system," but a Hawaii-based warning center and another warning center in Japan both issued warnings to Indonesia's government about the possibility of a tsunami, as a result of a magnitude 7.7 earthquake. An interior minister in Indonesia has said that while the government did receive the warnings, it merely text messaged 400 officials, and somewhere along the way, guess what? The message never got to the civilians who were on the 110-mile stretch of beach.

Okay, so now about the project. I was thinking, you know how a lot of beaches have public-notice signs, whether it's about a lifeguard not being on duty, or a "swim at your own risk sign" or whatever? Well, I was thinking that ever 1/2 mile of so on Indonesian beaches, we should just put up signs that list the warning-signs of tsunamis. There are very obvious signs-- like when the ocean recedes 1000 feet, or there's a red glow in the horizon, or the water is hot or bubbly or stings the skin, there is a smell of rotten eggs (hydrogen sulfide) or of petrol or oil, or there is a loud boom heard, or an earthquake is felt. Then, after listing the warning-signs the sign would advice people to head for higher ground immediately if any of these signs are noticed, and not to go into houses because tsunamis are often powerful enough to destroy houses completely.

I don't know. I don't have the money, resources or an Indonesian translator, so this will likely never happen, but I just thought that if the bureaucratic system is going to continue to cost people their lives, maybe we should just educate the public. I mean, it's not like tsunamis just happen. There are obvious warning signs that I think people would actually take notice of. Okay, that's my project. You can all procede to tell me how crazy I am in the comments section. :)

So one of the hardest things in L.A. was figuring out how to make a difference, and even if you could. I think sometimes the problems faced by people there, here, and everywhere seem overwhelming to the point of inaction. Let me try to give an example. One morning, about 3/4 of the way through the trip-- a trip where we were mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted, where we hadn't had air conditioning in 9 days, where we slept on the floor every night, where showers were hurried (my quickest was 1.5 minutes long...) and where we were going hard from about 8am to sometimes midnight-- about half the team got up at 4:30am to go serve at a local soup kitchen. We had gotten home from an exciting pro-soccer game the night before at midnight, so few people had slept more than about four hours, and I personally hadn't fallen asleep at all. But nonetheless, all thirteen of us piled into the van and headed into downtown L.A., before the sun was fully up. We were driving slowly, in that tired-driver, tired-passengers, we-don't-really-know-where-we're-going sort of way. As we drove toward the mission where we were to serve, I saw something that changed how I looked at the trip, my life and the world. Lining practically every square foot of the sidewalks for blocks were sleeping bags, tents, shopping carts, plastic bags, blankets, clothing strewn about. And in those sleeping bags, those tents and those blankets were people, people asleep, whose earthly possessions were packed in around them. There were hundreds of people. And it's not that I didn't know that people were homeless, but there's something overwhelming about seeing them all asleep and realizing, without being able to deny it or ignore it, that this is their life. But how do you help all those people? Can any one person actually make a difference? (I'll get back to that in a minute, first I want to talk about the soup kitchen). I must have thought outloud about what I was seeing, because Ben, one of the leaders said, "makes sleeping on the floor in no A.C. for two weeks seem not so bad, huh?" I responded with "makes everything seem not so bad." And it did. We went to help in the soup kitchen, where we washed and chopped thousands of green onions and layed out 125lbs on bacon on cookie sheets. Some of the members of the team got to make homemade ranch dressing or do other food preparation. I also got the privilege of actually serving the food. It was an amazing experience that really opened my eyes to a reality that many of us don't want to believe exists.

Okay, so can one person really make a difference? I'll admit I've been tempted to think not, in my life. But I heard this story about a man walking along the shoreline on a Mexican beach. Hundreds of thousands of starfish had washed up onto the beach, and so the man was picking them up one by one and throwing them back into the ocean so they wouldn't suffocate. Another man came upon this scene and said to the first man, "Excuse me, sir but what are you doing?" The first man replied, "I'm throwing these starfish back in the ocean, because otherwise they'll suffocate and die." The second man said, "But, sir, there must be hundreds of thousands of them on this beach and this is probably happening on beaches all over Mexico and even more beaches all over the world. Don't you see you can't possibly make a difference?" And the first man stooped down, picked up yet another starfish, threw it back into the ocean and smiled, "Made a difference to that one."

Something to think about.

Me and Elisha









There was a LOT of painting to do!
























We got to see a professional soccer game on July 4th





The Chinese restaurant: Emma, Me, Evan, Patty and Elizabeth


















This is what it's all about right here. :)

Kindergarten: Michael, Taraji, Joanna, Zoe

I promise there was absolutely NO goofing off on

this trip! :)

KNOCKOUT!

I got back from Los Angeles, California two days ago, and I am going to attempt to do justice to the amazing things I got to experience in California on the mission trip. Our group of fourteen teenagers, six leaders and 1 1-year-old, went to help out in any way we could with an urban ministry center called Harambee. Harambee was started more than twenty years ago by a man named John Perkins, who was interested in the ideas of racial reconciliation. Today, Harambee is a preschool, a community center, an elementary school, a summer camp and a testament to God's faithfulness and power in even the most dire situations. The corner where Harambee is located used to be called blood corner and was considered one of the most dangerous places in southern California because of its gang warfare. Even police helicopters wouldn't fly over the area for fear of gunfire. You can read and learn a lot more at their website.
We worked each day with the program, from 8am until 6pm we were helping in some way, whether it was with family time- when all the kids come together for skits, songs and a lesson,- or whether we were painting the playground or a room in the buliding, or whether we were running Vacation Bible School, or just hanging out with the kids. Harambee's current head is Rudy Carasco, a husband, father, leader and dedicated Christian. He emphasizes the importance of meeting people where they are and building on what they have. Those things really stuck with me throughout my time at Harambee and I hope they will continue to impact my interactions with people everywhere. The way you preach the gospel to each individual person has to change depending on their life experiences and where they are right now. For instance, the way I would talk about Jesus with a kid who had grown up in a suburban, midlde class family and been going to church all his life is significantly different from the conversation I would have with a little girl who'd never heard about Jesus, whose father was in prison and whose uncle took most of her family's money in order to buy drugs. That's the kind of stuff you run into daily at Harambee. But there are the triumphs too. I was sick one day, and the next day, a little girl asked me how I felt. I told her I was much better and she said she knew why. "It's because I prayed for you." And that's when the tears come and you are reminded again that God is working in each of these kids' lives constantly.
But Rudy also told us that these kids needed to have expectations set for them-- behaviorally, socially, educationally, etc-- that just because they had experience hard stuff didn't mean that we shouldn't lovingly set expectations for them. It was a difficult balance to find, but we tried. We had some wonderful "fun" days where our team got to go to Six Flags, to the beach, to see a professional soccer game, to China town, to Hollywood. But those things I'll talk about later.
These kids changed my life. They had grown up in a lot of ways long before they should have. They had seen more than is fair. But they weren't caught up in the negativity. They wanted to play knock-out with us. They wanted to hold our hands. They wanted to talk about skateboarding or television. I saw a lot of hope and a lot of love in these kids that I don't experience every day.
The last thing I want to blog about before I call it a post (okay, that was bad...) is my asthma attack. I had sports-induced asthma for awhile a few years back, but I haven't shown symptoms in a while. I don't think I've used my inhaler in years. But as we were walking back to our vans from the soccer stadium, I started feeling weird. As we were on the highway in miles of bumper-to-bumper traffic, I started having an asthma attack. Both vans pulled off the interstate and into the parking lot of a Taco Bell. One of the other team members, my good friend Cameron, had an inhaler that she had almost not brought with her. The nurse on our team okay-ed me using it and eventually my breathing normalized. It wasn't until after Cameron and I talked later that I realized just how much God had his hand in that situation. Cameron hadn't brought her inhaler on any outing the team had had up until that point. And she almost didn't that night. But she kept feeling a nagging need to bring the inhaler. God has been faithful, he will be again, and His ways are mysterious and amazing to me. I don't want to think about what could have happened if Cameron hadn't listened to the Holy Spirit that night...

God showed himself in some amazing ways over the course of the trip. I learned a lot about grace, the power of prayer, love, cooperation and God's faithfulness and power. I will keep blogging as I find the time and the right words to express the amazing experiences I had on this trip.

Okay, quick update on my life. First, as many of you probably read in the N&O's obituary section, my grandmother passed away on Friday morning. This came as a shock, but also as a relief. She was in a lot of pain, with a terminal illness, congestive heart failure. Although she was doing better than she was two months ago, she was unable to live on her own, or even live at home because she required round-the-clock medical attention. I loved her and will miss her dearly, but I think that the amount of pain she was in made living very difficult. The visitation was tonight, so I went with my mom, sister, aunts, uncles and cousins to greet family and friends.



My gums still bleed almost constantly, which is annoying and painful, but I guess they'll heal eventually. I have Greensboro orientation this week, on Thursday and Friday, which I'm pretty excited about. I also got to meet my roommate last night and she is very sweet and nice and a lot like me, which is good.

One week from today, I will be in California on the youth mission trip. I am really excited!

The last thing I wanted to include on this post was a list of books I've read recently. I recommend them all:
Waiting for the Barbarians, by JM Coetzee
Poisonwood Bible, by Barbara Kingsolver
My Traitor's Heart, by Rian Malan
Black Like Me, by John Howard Griffin
Dust Tracks on a Road, by Zora Neale Hurston
The Autobiography of Malcom X, as told by Alex Haley
Under the Banner of Heaven, by John Krakauer
King Leopold's Ghost, by Adam Hoschild
Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl, by Harriet Jacobs
Without a Net, by Michelle Kennedy

I got my wisdom teeth removed on Monday morning. Apparently anesthesia makes me completely loopy, lol. The last thing I remember before surgery is that I got an IV put in my arm and then they put that nose-oxygen thing on me, and then they asked how I felt. I told them the room was spinning and I felt light-headed. I closed my eyes and they asked again, "how do you feel?" I couldn't actually speak, so I just opened my eyes and looked around. Then everything went black. I remember one part from the actual procedure, when I kind of woke up while they were giving me shots in my gums to numb me. I remember trying to ask how many shots I actually had to get, but they just told me to go back to sleep. Then I woke up to them saying, "It's time to get up." When I finally "came to" the nurses and doctor had left the room, and I found that I was crying but I couldn't figure out why. I wasn't in pain, I wasn't scared or sad or anything, but I couldn't stop crying. The nurse came back in and said, "Oh, that's normal. The medicine you're on is a lot like Valium and it's going to make you cry and laugh for the rest of the afternoon, but you won't be sad and nothing will be funny. It's just how the medicine works." On the way home in the car, my mom says I told her the story of my surgical procedure at least 20 times. I remember telling it to her the first two times, and then being confused because I turned to her and said, "did i just tell you that story twice?" and she said yeah you did. And as soon as she had said that, I just started telling the story all over again. When I got home, I told my sister and my mom the surgery story at least six more times. They were laughing so hard. Often they would try to finish my sentences, which they could do pretty well since they had heard the story so many times, but everytime I would say, "No! You're telling it wrong." And then I would say exactly what they had just said, which only confused them more.

The doctor gave me pain meds to help relieve whatever pain/discomfort I might be feeling. I started taking the pills, and about two hours later I started throwing up. I threw up a good 12 times in about 6 hours, so I quit taking the pills. But I still felt horrible-- I couldn't eat or drink anything without throwing it up, and I was in a TON of pain because I couldn't take the hydrocodon or whatever. I also couldn't take normal OTC pain relievers like IBUProfin because they make me sick if I take them on an empty stomach as well...it was a VERY long day.

The swelling is about the only bad thing today. I can eat and the pain is SO much better, but my cheeks are huge. I sleep a lot, about 2 hours of sleep for every 2 that I'm awake. I can't complain though-- mashed potatoes, chicken broth, diet mountain dew, and ice cream haven't gotten old yet!

I kept thinking I would post, and here I've let almost a month go by with no word from me...
It's been crazy hectic this last month, with AP Exams, finals, major projects in every class, graduation parties, and mission trip preparation.
Where to begin??? Today is June 8, and that means it's graduation. Yes, today is the day I've waited 13 years for-- I'll walk across a stage, get a diploma, flip my tassle and say goodbye to all the friends I've made for four years or more. I can't believe it's the "end." I can't believe it's the "beginning" either. I'd love to say I feel nothing but sheer happiness and excitement. But that's a lie. I'm really sad, afraid, anxious, happy, excited, and frustrated all at the same time. And I can't necessarily put a cause/rhyme/reason for every one of those emotions, but I can say that that's how I feel and that's how I've been feeling for about a month now. It's hard to imagine leaving all your friends, family, school, everything you've known all your life to go start your own adventure somewhere else. But everyone does it, so I have assured myself that I am not the first, nor will I be the last person to ever feel like this.
I am afraid of one thing today: and that's crying. I do not want to cry at graduation because I don't think I would be able to stop. Once you get me crying about one thing, I will probably cry about more things...oh well. I'm turning in to quite the woman, I suppose.

Senior picnic was yesterday and I had a blast. We signed yearbooks, ate some yummy food, played a TON of volleyball, ran around, talked and just basically enjoyed each other's company. I realize that as much as I have grown tired of most of the kids in my class and at my school, I will always treasure whatever relationships and memories I have shared with them.

The last day of school was utterly heartbreaking and joyous all at once. We got those moon-bounce things that you can jump on and that was AWESOME. But realizing that the relationships I've had with these teachers won't exist in teh same way in college broke my heart. I have grown really close to so many of them, and the fact that I could come to them and they would talk to me like an adult really changed the way I saw myself and adults. I realized through them that I've grown so much these last four years and I've become a completely different person. There's a song by Sara Groves that I like to call my graduation song. Here's a snipet of it:

I don't want to leave here
Don't want to stay
It feels like pinching to me,
Either way.
But the places I long for
the most are the places where I've been
They are calling out to me,
Like a long, lost friend
...And the place I was wasn't perfect,
But I had found a way to live
And it wasn't milk or honey,
But then neither is this.
...the future feels so hard
and I want to go back,
But the places that used to fit me
Cannot hold the things I've learned
And those roads were closed off to me
While my back was turned
The past is so tangible,
I know it by heart,
Familiar things are never easy
To discard
I was dying for some freedom,
But now I hesitate to go,
I am caught between the promised
And the things I know.

I guess I'll just leave it at that.

My REVISED list of things to do:
Graduation Audition (done)
RCCF cookout (done)
AP Exams (Spanish- done; English- done; Psychology- done)
Mission Trip Fundraise "Parents' Night Out" (done)
Graduation open-house (May 20)
Last Youth Group/Senior Send-off (May 21)
Youth Group Senior Saturday (May 27)
Final exams (last week of May, first week of June)
Church services, where seniors will be recognized (June 4)
Last day of high school, after-school party and senior-faculty kickball game (June 6)
Senior Picnic (June 7)
GRADUATION (June 8)
Getting WISDOM TEETH REMOVED (June 12)
Orientation days at UNC-G (June 20-21)
Mission Trip to California (June 23-July 8)

And then I have about a month before I move into my dorm in Greensboro! WOW! If I seem a little stressed or anxious, refer to list. It is probably because of something on that list that I seem a little emotional. Because, to be quite honest about it, this whole "last year" thing is very much an emotional roller coaster. Because I am moving (an hour) away for college, it seems like nothing will be the same. New friends, new church, new classes, new job, etc. So right now my emotions are going haywire because some minutes I am so thrilled to be closing one chapter and opening a new one. Other times, it's really difficult and heartbreaking to even imagine that I have to say goodbye to all my friends and family. So, if you don't mind, it might be necessary to cut me a little slack on the emotional front in the next month or so. There's a lot going on that's requiring more emotional and mental strength than I necessarily have...

So, I've enrolled at UNC-G! I am in the International Honors College and have already been assigned a roomate. Her name's Amanda and she's from Jacksonville, NC. And I've already signed up for one class: International Human Rights In Literature and Film. Should be pretty good.

My list of things to do:
Graduation Audition (done)
RCCF cookout (done)
AP Exams (Spanish- done; English- done; Psychology- done)
Mission Trip Fundraise "Parents' Night Out" (May 12)
graduation open-house (May 20)
Final exams (last week of May, first week of June)
Last day of high school, after-school party and senior-faculty kickball game (June 6)
Graduation Picnic (June 7)
GRADUATION (June 8)
Getting WISDOM TEETH REMOVED (June 12)
Orientation weekend at UNC-G (June 20-21)
Mission Trip to California (June 23-July 8)

I guess that's it. Wow. Soon it'll all be here, and then WHOOSH it'll all be over. Wow. I can't believe it. When you type it up and post it, it isn't so unrealistic that I will go to college orientation in a little over a month! I can still remember being two and being upset because someone else got the good swing at daycare...or being six and being upset because my kindergarten teacher was moving away and because my sister got to sit in the front of the bathtub. How time flies!

Okay, I've heard from all the colleges I applied to. (Actually, I've known for about two weeks now, but I wasn't ready to go public with that information).
I got in at Elon, Meredith, Purdue, American and UNC-G.
I'll probably end up going to UNC-G, but that can still change, I guess, between now and May 1.

I guess that's all I want to post about.

Oh yeah, prom was amazing. Josh and I went to Khanki (I can never spell that right) beforehand, and everyone stared at us because we were dressed up as if we were going to...well...prom. Imagine that! But that was fun, anyway. Then we went to prom, in the cold drizzle. The music was good; we danced most songs, only with each other, but again, we're just friends. We had our portrait made there, which was fun too. Then after it was over, we helped clean up (because we're weird like that), we got our "favors"-- wine glasses that had RCHS PROM 2006 "A Black Tie Event" printed on them, filled with hershey kisses and black and white M&Ms. Then we went to IHOP, where we probably bugged the waiter to death, but that's half the fun of being at IHOP at 12am. Haha. Anyway, senior prom was a wonderful success; I had a great time; too bad it was over so soon.

Now there's a series of things to countdown before graduation on June 8:
-graduation speech audition (yes, I'm crazy enough to audition)
-RCCF cookout
-AP Exams
-Final exams
-Graduation rehearsal
And then...the class of 2006 is heading out! Wow. Four years flew by. It's all kind of sad really. I'm excited about starting something new next year, though. :)

I'm back from Costa Rica--- back from having one of the most memorable and exciting times thus far, in my short 18-year life. From zip-lining through the mountains (which I remarked is a completely other way to view God's amazing creation-- i.e. you usually see the moutains from the peak or from the ground, never from half-a-mile up, in between them) to hanging out at a local discotec, I found that traveling abroad, regardless of the food, homesickness, sickness, sunburn, is something I will always, always, always want to do.
Edwin got bet 10 dollars that he wouldn't eat (i.e. consume) a cigarette. He did. He ended up in the hospital because his entire body had gone numb and his response time left a lot to be desired.
We got to take a boat ride through Monte Verde National Park and see howler monkeys, crocodiles, blue herons, iguanas and other awesome wildlife. We horseback rode in the mountains, galloping a little (except for me, because I got "abuelo" the slowest horse in the history of horses...abuelo means "grandfather" in Spanish). I got sunburn that blistered over, which was pretty gross but kinda funny too, especially because I will never get rid of the tan-line from my capris. A few of us went to a Bible study in Spanish, which was really cool-- a whole other experience, and surprisingly, I could understand most of it. We volunteered at an elementary school, where I met some awesome kids that I fell in love with. We took dance lessons, which out of 21 kids, only about 5 of us actually danced for more than 10 minutes. We visited a volcano and a hot springs resort, and amazingly we survived 10 days with no air conditioning (it was at least ninety most days) and no hot water...and the worst-- no ice or iced tea. (now that's hardcore).
THere were some other awesome experiences that were more bonding than anything-- hanging out, singing and playing guitar until midnight on our front porches, playing "Stupid Ninjas" on the bus, singing Wizard of Oz as we skipped through the airport (my hair was in braids, and I was appropriately dubbed Dorothy), laying out by the pool at midnight and staring at the stars and talking. It was a truly awesome time with fun, hilarity, and certainly Spanish-immersion.

PROM IS ON SATURDAY! Josh and I are going (no, we are not dating. We are friends) first to Kanki and then to prom. I am very excited. My dress is floor-length and fades between dark pink and light pink and has dark pink glitter sewn into it. It's really hard to describe, but as soon as I figure out how, I'll post pictures of it (and of prom, and of Costa Rica).

What to post about?
Well, it is 10:35pm right now, and that means that in exactly 17 hours and 25 minutes I have to be at RDU International Airport to fly to Miami, where we will catch our flight to Costa Rica! That's right: 4 A.M.!

I am staying, along with Rachel, with a family that consists of a stay-at-home-mom, retired-teacher dad, and two sons: 26 yrs old and 13 yrs old.

I am packed, except for one pair of pants that's being washed and a few items for my carry-on bag.

Other than that, life is mostly ho-hum, as I anxiously await the arrival of my final two college descisions. These two places, and the money they want to offer, actually impact where I go next year a lot.

Jennie, my mom's really good friend, who might as well be family is in the ICU at Raleigh Community Hospital. She has kidney failure (they're functioning at 10%), pancreatitis, and still suffers from pulmonary fibrosis. There may also be problems with her liver and other organs, but they are unable to do the tests properly (I'm not entirely sure why, but I trust the doctors, so I'm sure they have a good reason). I'm really worried about her, and she can't eat or drink anything because her kidneys and pancreas can't handle it. In fact, she can't even swish water around in her mouth and then spit it back out because that makes her pancreatic enzyme things activate, which puts pressure on the pancreas and makes the problem worse. It's all way complicated. Anyway, so I'm staying at her house right now, and taking care of her dogs and cat: Max, Misty, Finney and Ginger (cat). My golden retriever is here with us too, and she's being a great friend to M, M and F in their time of hardship without their beloved owner.

I guess that's about all. Ms. Greenwalt is going to be our keynote speaker at graduation in June!! Speaking of, for anyone who's interested, graduation is June 8! :)

That's about it. I guess I'll head to bed--- gotta rest up for Costa Rica, where it is a balmy 85 degrees.

• SLA was great!
• Enviro-thon is on Friday!!! (I spent Saturday morning at Duke Forests, at a perscribed burn site and at a logging site...very cool).
• Got in to UNC-G (4 down, 2 to go...still waiting to hear from American and Chapel Hill)
• Friday evening Spanish Honor Society had a movie night--- watched Frida, ate good food--- tons of fun, even if a couple of us fell asleep during the movie...
• Threw 20 feet, 1 inch in shot-put at the meet on Thursday; threw 41 feet in discuss!
• have 4 major projects/papers due this week-- I'll be glad when it's over
• Costa Rica in less than 2 weeks!

That's all. God bless- Lindsay

Okay, so I'm leaving for Costa Rica in like 3 weeks!!! I am soooo excited! And what's also super exciting is that I am going on a mission trip this summer with my youth group. We're going to Pasadena, California to run a VBS program for innercity kids. It's going to be awesome.

So I spent the weekend at Topsail Island with the mission team, prepping for the trip. We spent most of the weekend democratically deciding on our team covenant, including objectives and team verse(s). I'll try to give a brief run-down of the weekend.

We got to the church at 5:30 (the specified time) only to find that none of our adult leaders had shown up yet...so we waited. And at about 6, they showed up, one by one. We didn't leave the church until about 6:40pm, or so, even though we were supposed to have left by 6pm and arrived by 8:30. We finally got to Topsail at about 9:30, and we wandered around in the dark trying to find our condos. We found them-- one for the girls and one for the guys. There were 7 female students, and three female leaders, plus my youth minister's 10-month old, Elisha. There were three bedrooms (2 double beds, 1 set of bunk beds and 2 pull-out couches). I ended up, much to my delight!, in the room with my youth minister and Elisha. The guys (seven guy students and 3 guy leaders) had their own condo, but we congregated for meetings and meals in the girls' condo. Elisha woke us up (and by us, I mean the two of us in our room) at 5:30am, and his mother didn't find it all that amusing. I, however, thought the situation delightful and enjoyed being up at dawn with this darling little baby.
We spent the day writing our team covenant and playing games. We only went down on the beach once, because it was so cold. I did wade into the water until it was just above my knees. My jeans were unmistakably wet after that. Dinner Saturday night was homemade spaghetti and meatballs, compliments of Carlye, Cameron and me. I was in charge of the pasta, and Cameron of the sauce (and meatballs). The boiling water splashed onto my hand once, but Cameron said I only got 1/2 point for that injury (we get points for injuries-- its a game-- based on creativity, though they can't be purposeful, and seriousness), but but when the Ragu sauce splashed onto her hand, she got 1 point. I told her that wasn't fair because the Ragu sauce was at least 100 degrees cooler than the water, but she didn't listen. Oh well.

The car ride back to Chapel Hill was one of the most interesting and most fun experiences of my life, and I would tell you about it, but you wouldn't understand half of what was going on. You really had to be there. Let' s just say that between Ben, a youth leader, and Emma, Cameron, Tim and me, (and Brownie, the teddy bear), the screaming, music playing, shutting-windows-on-people-who-stick-their-heads-out-the-windows, spanish-speaking, stupid-joke-telling (and more) never ends. It was quite the adventure, and quite the bonding experience. (In fact, I think I'm all bonded-out with these four people...but there's still 16 others on the team I need to bond with! I'll update you more as we get closer to the dates of our trip!!!!

This photo is from our Chicago trip, when we ate at the Rainforest Cafe, which is this super-cool restaurant decorated to look like a jungle or a rainforest. There are even "thunderstorms" every few minutes! I decided to pose outside with the gorilla for a quick picture.








The Brain Bee is tomorrow!!! It is in the format of a spelling bee, but the questions are all about neuroscience and the brain. For example: This is the disease in which acetylcholine receptors on muscle cells are destroyed so that muscle cells can no longer respond to the acetylcholine signal to contract.

The answer: Myasthenia gravis.

Ten Random Things About Me
1. I am a country-music junkie.
2. My favorite type of pizza is mushroom with bacon.
3. I hate dressing up.
4. I was a scarecrow for Halloween five years in a row when I was little.
5. I was born at Rex Hospital in Raleigh.
6. My favorite ice cream flavor is a toss-up between Chocolate Lover's Trash and Cake Batter.
7. I like realistic-fiction books or history books.
8. My favorite color is yellow.
9. Iced tea is the best invention ever and anyone who believes that tea should be served hot is just plain wrong.
10. I like watching the news (local and CNN), Law and Order: SVU, Friends, Medium and House.

Nine Places I've Visited
1. Chicago
2. New York City
3. Santiago, Chile
4. Toronto, Canada
5. San Diego, California
6. Washington, D.C.
7. Williamsburg
8. Greensboro
9. Atlanta

Eight Things I Want To Do Before I Die
1. Own and operate a dance studio
2. Marry the man of my dreams
3. Raise my kids to love themselves for who they are
4. Write and publish a novel
5. Run for president
6. Adopt at least one child from every continent
7. Teach school
8. Appear on the Oprah show

Seven Ways To Win My Heart
1. Write me love letters
2. Hold my hand
3. Laugh with me
4. Play the guitar and write/sing a song for me
5. Wipe my tears when I cry
6. Love me for who I am
7. Send me flowers just because

Six Things I Believe In
1. Y'all is a word and should be used often
2. Toilet paper goes over the roll, not under
3. Miracles
4. God
5. True love
6. The beauty in all people

Five Things I Am Afraid Of
1. Dying while my kids are young
2. Spiders
3. Heights
4. Making the wrong decision about college
5. Snakes

Four Of My Favorite Things In My Bedroom
1. Dance, Dance Revolution
2. Brownie (bear I've had since I was born)
3. Photographs and letters (the ones on my bulletin boards)
4. Books

Three Things I Do Everyday
1. Check my email.
2. Pray
3. Complete at least one Sudoku puzzle

Two People I Want To See Right Now
1. Lauren
2. Cameron

One Thing I Am Trying Not To Do Right Now
1. Go to bed.

• My sister has strept throat. (Guess who is likely next in line? I really hope I'm not, but that's what happens when you live with other people-- I use hand sanitizer like it's my job, so hopefully, I'll stay well).
• Track season has begun! And from the soreness in my legs and back, I know that circuit training has already taken its toll. (lol.)
• I have been accepted at the three universities that have replied thus far: Meredith, Purdue and Elon. All three offered me money, but I'm just not sure that any of those places are the places for me-- I know that sounds silly since I took the time to apply to each of them, but I think the way I view myself and where I'd be happy spending four years has changed, or at least I've changed it. I am still waiting to hear from UNC-CH and American, my top two choices. I will likely also apply to UNC-G before all is said and done.
• I entered Oprah's National High School Essay Contest, for which the prompt was:
  How is Elie Wiesel's book Night relevant today?
  I'm still waiting to hear back as to whether I'm a finalist.
• The trip to Costa Rica is in just a little more than a month! I am sooo excited. It is going to be an awesome week-- though, I have to admit that I was a little disappointed because Mr. Slattery said that we'd be there during Semana Santa (Holy Week, the week of Easter), but it turns out we'll be there two weeks prior-- it's really a bummer because in many Latin American countries, Semana Santa is a national holiday, and everyone is festive and out celebrating. I thought it would be a really cool experience, and I was thrilled at the idea of going to a Catholic mass that was in spanish, but I guess I can still technically go to a church service in spanish, it just won't be the Easter service.
• Our school administration is going on a tyraid about facebook. Apparently students are using facebook to harass others, which isn't cool. But the way the administration is handling it isn't particularly good either. I mean, I understand their concerns, but on facebook, it is very easy to see who says/does what. So, making all these announcements and lecturing us is just a waste of time. The only students who are actually listening are the ones who aren't going to use facebook to harass others anyway, and the students who are are the same students who aren't listening to the lecturing. Plus, I think there's an awful lot of harassment that goes on at school that doesn't get reprimanded, but as soon as it's online, everyone has a hissy fit. (It's not that I think it's okay to insult other people onlne, but I don't think it's okay to do it at all. So the tyraid also needs to include the harassment and bullying that goes on every single day at school.) Just my opinion. Take it or leave it.
• Riley, my sweet, sweet puppy, is wild as ever, but learning new stuff everyday. He can give high-fives, shake with both paws, beg, lie down, sit, and understands "go get your bone/toy and lie down." We're working on stay and speak right now, but it's slow going. I started clicker-training him, and at first he ran away from me whenever I clicked it, but now, he knows that a click is a reward of sorts, and he responds really well.
• I was sure all this year and all last year that I wanted to teach highschool history for a living. But I was talking to an elementary school teacher today, and she seemed confident that highschool wasn't the place for me-- elementary school was. And she also said that fourth grade was where I belonged. Which was interesting because she teaches second grade...anyway...I have no idea what I'll be studying in college or what I'll do after college. My plans change about every day or so.
• I'm going on the mission trip this year to Pasadena, California. We're working with Harambe Missions, and we'll be running a VBS program for inner-city children. I am sooo excited.

I guess that's about all. I will hopefully get better about being a regular-blogger, so I can write about more interesting things than just brief updates of my life.

"I believe there are angels among us,
Sent down to us, from somewhere up above,
To show us how to live,
To teach us how to give,
To guide us with the light of love."

Okay, so there's so much I haven't blogged about-- my college application process (but that's boring), our trip to Chicago (maybe later...), exams (boring), and winter formal:
This year, winter formal was amazing. Period. Nabil is a senior at my school, and we met during study hall one day. He just moved back to the states from Australia-- he's lived in China, Canada, Australia and various places in the U.S. So we went to formal together and I had one of the best nights ever. Wow.

First we went to Applebees, along with my sister Sherby, Josh (her date, and like my best guy friend), and our friends Cati, Katie and Denise. I had to teach Nabil about tipping your waiter/waitress, because in Australia it is illegal to tip. Then we headed to the dance (theme: Mardi Gras: The Spirit of New Orleans), and Nabil even wore some of the mardi gras beads necklaces I had bought at Party City. We had fun running around, taking pictures, drinking tons of soda, and talking to our friends and each other. We danced to every slow song, I think, but neither of us like fast songs, so we sat those out. Side note: the dance itself was absolutely wonderful, and mad props to those people who were on the planning committee. After the dance, we headed to IHOP, along with Cati, Katie, Denise, Sherby, Josh, Elizabeth and Rachel. And we were at IHOP until after 1am. Then, I got to drive Nabil home (to Cary), because he doesn't have his liscense yet--- it's difficult and confusing to have to drive on the opposite side of the road in the U.S. lol. Josh rode with us, so that coming back from Cary at 2am, I wouldn't be alone. I drove Josh home and then headed to my house. When I arrived at 2:45am, I promptly fell asleep. I had so much fun, though. Nabil is really fun to be around, and even if he doesn't believe me-- he's a good dancer. :)
(but he has got to try grits. He ordered some at IHOP but they were out. The waitress assured him that they tasted like paper/napkins, so he could just eat the napkin on the table instead. Of course, we all know that grits are a southern delicacy...along with sweet tea.)