So I think now, I would like to share with you a story I wrote. It is non fiction but the names have been changed to protect the people in the story. The title is "Frozen Blue Berries," and htis story will likely explain some of my past blogs. It is hard for me to share it because it hurts so much, but I hope that maybe you can glean something from it.


Frozen Blue Berries

“Knock knock,” Diana said to me.
“Who’s there?” I asked, grinning.
“Orange,” came the response.
“Orange who,” I asked, already knowing the answer. This had been our favorite knock-knock joke for the last five years.
“Orange you glad we’re friends?” Diana said as we both broke into fits of uncontrollable laughter. We rolled around on the picnic blanked, unable to stop laughing.
Diana and I had been friends since preschool. At age four, we were in the same dance class, and at five, we played on the same soccer team. We became inseparable. Our backgrounds and lives were different, but when you are a child, you don’t notice things like that. She came from a wealthy, well-to-do family. The only child of a banker and a surgeon, Diana was pampered most of her life. I was the first of two children, born to two lawyers who were classified as middle-class. She liked dresses and fancy shoes, but I like long t-shirts and soccer shorts and baseball caps. But the thing is, we got along perfectly.
We lived only two miles from each other, and attended the same elementary school. We both began gymnastics and t-ball at age six, and somehow managed to find our way onto the same team.
“I am super glad you are my friend,” I told her. I lay back on the blanket, with my hands under my head, looking up at the blue sky.
“Me, too,” she said, sighing a very contented sigh. “Look,” she said pointing up at a cloud. “It’s me and you, holding hands!” I smiled. There was something about Diana that you couldn’t help but love.
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Looking back on it, that’s the way it had always been. People were drawn to Diana. There was something about her that drew people to her. She was always smiling and laughing. She was a very easy-going kid who was always happy. When the two of us would go to the park together, she would make sure no kid in the park was playing alone. If there was a child playing alone, she would go over and invite them to play with us. She had a compassionate side to her that was always showing, a side of her that developed very early on. She said to me once, “If I wished on all the stars in the sky, I would never be so lucky as to be granted a friend as great as you.”
One day, when we were eight years old, as we were eating frozen blue berries, Diana said something I will never forget. “You know, I think frozen blue berries can solve every problem!” Diana smiled. Her dog had been run over earlier that morning, and through her grief, she managed to smile. And that got us through many hard times. If I scraped my knee, Diana would bring me frozen blue berries. When she got pneumonia, I brought frozen blue berries to her house for her. At sleep overs, the midnight snack was always frozen blue berries. When her first boyfriend broke up with her, we ate frozen blueberries and talked until the sun came up. She was very sad, but by morning I had her laughing. It seemed as though she had been right that summer day. Frozen blue berries appeared to be able to solve everything!

But, seven years later, one morning, I received a phone call. It was Diana’s mother. “Diana killed herself yesterday. I am sorry to have to tell you but the note she left said for me to call you immediately. It is one day late, but I didn’t have the courage or strength to tell you. Her father and I have decided that the funeral will be privately held, and will be for family only. I am sorry to do that to you, but I just don’t think we can handle people outside the family right now.”
“I understand. And I am very sorry. Let me know what I can do,” I managed to choke out. But the truth was, I didn’t know how I would get through the rest of my life without Diana.
Later that afternoon, I was at my computer, typing and eating frozen blue berries. I immed a friend. I told her what had happened, and she told me not to beat myself up over it because there is nothing I could have done. “But I should have been able to stop it,” I said. “I was talking to her online, and she was acting pretty silly, and then just as she got all serious, my mom told me we had to leave or we were going to be late for dance. I told her I had to go, but that I would talk to her later. So, had I been able to give her three more minutes would it have changed anything? I will have to live my life wondering.” My friend explained that when people are that upset, that there is little others can do, that only the people themselves can fix what is wrong. Tears rolled down my eyes, and I wondered how I was ever going to live without her smile and laughter. I picked up a frozen blue berry and popped it in my mouth. Ugh. It was a sour one. I tried another one. This one was sweet, but not sweet enough to take away the pain. For the first time, I realized that frozen blue berries couldn’t solve my problems. They never had. It was the love of Diana that got me through. And now, with her gone, I would have to find the strength within myself to make everything okay again.